Look at me, my face is red

I got screwed on ebay. I paid $50 for that inflatable bed and it never came (nor did the person ever respond to my email or ebay messages). I've opened a claim with paypal. I also bought the other inflatable bed from amazon, who I doubt will screw me. Oh well. I learned some lesson here, though I am not sure what it is. The seller has a rash of recent "non-deliveries" in the last two weeks. I wonder if someone highjacked a perfectly decent account. The account was 100% positive feedback until about 3 weeks ago (right around the time I did my thing) and it's all been bad since. Or maybe the person does this...makes a good account and then BAM and screws people. Whatever. I hope I'll get my money back and I'll get a bed. Bummer.

Irony met Hubris in my garage

Friday morning Chuckles had his 2-yr ped visit. It was at 10 am about 5 minutes from teh house, but we had new insurance, there are train tracks between here and there, and it was raining, so I went to leave at 9:30. Load boy into car, get ready, click-click-click. Car wouldn't start. Now, there wasn't enough time to walk to the ped (in the rain), so I called MiMi (my mom) to take us. They charge you if you cancel within 24 hours of the appt, you know. Anyway, my big worry was not the ped...it was....THE NAP. What would I do if the car didn't start? Oh No! So cocky, I was. Just ride in teh car until he dozes, blah blah blah. ohmigawd. So, we sat in the garage in teh car seat while the car wasn't moving. And would you believe he fell asleep. Well, he did. And we've done it two more times since (because my car is still not well). He almost even seems to fall asleep faster sicne there is nothing at all to see or watch. Only this is...it's fricking hot today and it's only bound to get worse. Can't very well sit in the garage then. I have no idea what to do then. We'll keep sitting in the garage without running the car until it gets too hot. Then, I guess we'll move teh car seat into the house somewhere and sit? I have no idea what next, but baby steps...one at a time.

Chuckles and his new friend from the Park

IRS Note

For the record, if your medical expenses in a tax year exceed 7.5% of your AGI (and you file long form 1040), you can itemize and deduct your medical expenses. This might seem like a lot, but check out these scenarios...

You make $50k, you only need to spend $3750 in the year on medical expenses, so two root canals, an eye doctor appointment and contacts, and 12 months of birth control pills. BINGO, you're there.

You make $100k, you only need to spend $7,500. You and your husband are infertile and need IVF (with ICSI) for $15,000. You hit it and them some. And heck, throw in a high-deductible health insurance delivery of your IVF twins via c-section, and you just played the taxation lottery and won. But, let's say the people in this example didn't have all the money right away, so they did egg retrieval and ICSI in November and babies weren't born until the following year. That twin delivery via c-section (and possible NICO stay for preemie babies) would have to exceed 7.5% again for them to deduct those expenses. Timing the expenses is critical. There is a reason doctor's offices and dentist's offices are full in January.

A little snark from people who have been down the ART road

Read this blog post for more on the woman who had twins at 60
http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2007/05/it_all_looks_so.html#comments

60-year old woman has twins

Feel free to read the whole story (or better let, let me summarize and snark for you):

About her husband, the wife said: "He sort of pushed me in this direction." That doesn't seem like a good idea, as you are the one enduring pregnancy at SIXTY (or twice as old as I was when I had a baby or three times as old as my own mother was....older than MiMi is now.

The older, adult children talking about their parents' decision: "My mother is too old, for health reasons and for lifestyle," Alana said last night. "I don't think she's thinking about the future - being 80 or 90 and having a kid." She said her brother is worried they will end up taking care of the babies. "He's against it even more than I am," she said.
Well, someone is thinking into the future.

The couple on their other options for family building: "They considered adopting, but had heard too many horror stories." I can tell you plenty of stories of assisted reproduction (like IVF) with less-than-happy endings, so let's just say that without additional details, this doesn't persuade me.

On whether she used her own eggs for the IVF (which for the record, I do not believe to be physically possible): The new mom played coy on whether she used her own eggs, which had been frozen years before, or eggs from a donor. "I'm not committing to an .answer to that," she said. "I just want people to know there are many options for women out there." Technically speaking, eggs are not frozen, embryos are, so technical details aside, even if she had frozen embryos from her first IVF 8 or ten years earlier, she still would have been in her 50s. Healthy pregnancies that go to term are not usually achieved after a woman is 45 and most clinics will not let you do egg retrieval for IVF after 43 because of diminished egg quality (high FSH levels if you are keeping track at home).

There are real risks (for younger women and for older women as well) to undergoing fertility treatments and carrying a twin pregnancy. Those risks increase with age. It's silly to pretend that this is strictly a matter of a woman's choice. There are real consequences and real children to consider. Hers is a happy ending story, but she could have gone into labor at 23 weeks and delivered terribly ill and premature babies instead of 4-lb 11-oz darlings. She is at higher risk for blood clots, stroke, seizures, and a whole host of complications that risk not only her health and life but the health and life of her babies. I certainly don't know what the cut-off age should be, but I am pretty sure, I would put it under 60. I'd put it at 48, I think, but maybe 50. Not sure. I would not want a woman of age 50 to undergo a twin pregnancy, but as teh success rates at that age are so low, it would be hard to convince anyone to undergo single embryo transfer (oh, the technical points to this...all highly technical but I know I covered it before during March of Dines Prematurity Awareness Month).

Crisco's shelf life

Make a note of it: Crisco does not last for 6 years. If you try to grease a loaf pan with 6-year old Crisco, the entire crust of your baked bread will tast like acrid sewage. But, if you cut the crust off, the bread is just fine.

Let's talk Money

Milk: what is going on? The sale price on milk has been at $2.50 or higher for the last three weeks, but the price for the 56 ounce Breyer's ice cream is only $2.38 (down over a dollar since last year). So, milk price up, ice cream price down. Makes no sense.

Orange Juice: Did I miss the news of the frost? OJ has been super expensive (sale price of 2 for $6 instead of 2 for $4) for over a month now and I don't like it.

Fruit: Oh my word...when is summer coming? Apples are over $1/lb, strawberries at $3/lb (although two weeks ago, they were $1.25), peaches are $1.50, cherries are $7. So, we're having bananas at 46 cents/lb (only 25 cents a month ago) and grapes for $1.49 this week. C'mon summer.

Gas: Uhm, well, last week is was $3.33. This week the E-85 flex-fuel is $3.33 and regular unleaded is running about $3.59. Summer driving season, summer pollution control formula, fire at a refinery, blah blah blah. Until the price of gas makes me and other Americans chage our behavior (like car pooling or walking places or figuring out how to nap boy without the car), I vow not to complain about the price. I may make note of it, but I am not complaining. I walk quite a few of our errands (post office, Target, library, park, supermarket if I am not getting anything refrigerated), so there is not a whole lot of driving I could cut out of my life....as I will not give up the nap...you can pry the car keys out of my cold, dead hands before I give that up.

Let's Talk about Lybrel

Lybrel is a new, continuous low dose oral contraceptive with NO OFF WEEK AT ALL. That means: no periods at all. It's not dangerous to forego a period when you are on the Pill because your lining does not "build up" and back up on you or anything and having a period while on the pill is more of a cultural thing than anything.

I cannot believe how many stupid newscasters kept asking their in-house doctor correspondents about this today. It's pretty common knowledge among women, or so I thought. The really fabulous news is that within 3 months of going off of this pill 99% of women were either pregnant or at least ovulating. So, that's good news. However, this tells me that no women with anovulatory conditions (like mine) were included in the study trials...or were they and this cures them? No, they probably weren't. If I were making the trial, I would include women who were healthy, non-smokers who really did not want kids now so they would be good about taking their pills and making my numbers look good.
Technical info on the drug available HERE.

Need a little help here

I saw this job ad and I'd like to apply, but uhhh, it says to send resume as an email attachment to the recruiting firm, but gives no email address. Am I an idiot and you can see it?

Shield your eyes from the cute

My garden is in

That's a field of cilantro in the lower right of the garden (for dinner tonight: guacamole and salsa). Chuckles "helped", and yes, those are my hot legs in the photo too. I have five tomato plants (four of which I grew from seed by letting the tomatoes drop to the ground at the end of last season...they just come right back up in the spring, I thin them and put cages on them).

It's like Wild Kingdom around here

I showed you the yellow birds, here are some ducks waddling down my driveway.

Question: Of What Are Little Boys Made?

Answer: Dirt

This doesn't look right

I am changing the accent color on my house from red to blue. So, I am painting around the windows. I think the window on the left is too dark, and I think the windows to the right look like they have a box floating around them. What should I do? I was thinking of taking one of the two right windows and putting a lighter blue inside teh dark blue (Where the white is now) sort of like the matting you would put inside a frame. help.

There are reasons I brushed my teeth in the bathtub

1. It's fun.


2. It takes me back to college when all my toiletries were in a shower caddy.


3. It makes Chuckles brush his teeth.


4. My bathroom is a construction zone.

How is this possible?

I have no ground beef in the house at all. I have a deep freezer in the basement. I guess taco night will turn into steak or chicken fajita night since I know I have those.

By the way, last Saturday was Letter Carrier's Food Drive day. I gave away four cans of refried beans and two boxes of vegetarian meat substitute along with a jar of olive tapenade and some poppy seed pie filling and four cups of sugar-sweetened apple sauce. Random times. Random. Imagine the meal someone will make out of that.

$3.47

per gallon for gas. I get about 20 mpg. I drive about 3-5 miles for each nap. Let's say 5 miles. So, in a seven day week, I drive 35 miles for naps. So, I spend about a dollar a day (a little less). So worth it. If I drank Starbucks, I'd be willing to give it up to pay for nap. I love nap.

When we don't get nap, Mr. Long-Suffering comes home from work to find me crying, with a migraine, reaching for a beer. I need nap.

Rudy Guiliani

He said that he personally is opposed to abortion, but that he belives that other Americans with good conscience could make other choices and that it's not government's job to decide what is best for people. I ...heart... Rudy (on this topic).

All Hail the White Truck of Joy

My new dryer came. I can wash towels again. Well, I will be able to once my husband hooks the dryer up, but we're closer.

SoCraftiCarrie

So, in my spare time, I paint onesies for the babies of our friends. It's my creative outlet, I suppose.

I bought about 5 packages of onesies and some paint when my sister was pregnant and made the shower guests decorate them. Some were good, some notsomuch, but since they are undershirts, all that matters is the love. I try to make mine neat, clever, and legible. I think I do OK. But it had been a few months since I pulled the paints out and I had a couple of misfires, so definitely not my best work, but not too bad at all. If you have a baby, maybe I'll make some for you.

How I spent my Monday

The photos are called "Before, During, After, and Three and a Half Minutes After We Started". I'm pretty sure his favorite part was washing his hands after we were done.

'Scuse me while I kiss this guy

From the mis-heard lyrics file...

Golden Earrings's (also covered by White Lion) "Radar Love" says:

Radio plays a forgotten song

Brenda Lee's "Coming on Strong"

According to the True Oldies Channel, which is preset number 5 on my car radio, Brenda Lee was immortalized in that song, and yet, no one still knows the song. I heard the song on the radio the other day, and I am telling you there is a reason no one remembers it. It's just not good. The 50s and eary 60s must have been an awful time for music because it's just plain bad. She was one of the most popular recording artists in the era (#4 behind Elvis, Ray Charles and The Beatles). This is the same era of music that had Lawrence Welk topping the charts with polka, so that that with what you will.

Anyway, about the mis-heard lyric. For years (years!) I have been thinking that "Radar Love" says something like "Radio plays a forgotten song/Revelie's coming on strong" or "Ramblings coming on strong". So, now you know.

Spring Breezes

are drying my laundry outside.

Life is Good (in two parts)

Our next door neighboor gave Chuckles a bird feeder for his birthday. It's a feeder where the birds eat upside-down (see photo). I'm trying to figure out what kind of birds they are but I can't decide if they are chickadees or goldfinches. If you know, please tell me.

I spent a long time trying to get these photos today with the camera on max zoom through the dining room window (the haze is the dirt on the window...I can't help it, I clean these windows twice a week and then Hurricane Chuckles comes along with a graham cracker/goat milllk paste and the windows are all smeared again...or lately, he's been asking for "triangle chips" which are cinnamon things I made using Carly's recipe...a recipe which I give out frequently as it is so easy, but don't tell anyone).

Our shirts say "Half Full". Mine is a cup (of milk, if you ask Chuckles...something else if you ask me), his is a sippy cup. Shirts courtesy of Jenn.

You can shop for your very own Life is Good clothing at http://www.lifeisgood.com/ Jenn probably won't buy it for you.

Blog Notes

If you look over to the right, you see there is a link to Julia Here Be Hippogriffs. Well, she's this lady named Julia Litton. Oh just go here to Redbook magazine where she is now featured (but I knew her when).

Anyway, her husband has mutant sperm that cause defects to the fetus that are incompatible with life. She's had something like 14 miscarriages and one perfect live son, Patrick. She keeps moving forward trying to have another baby because as she says, the pain of not having another child is greater than the pain of continuing to miscarry. Well, the news is, she is pregnant, again. They did genetic testing (PGD) with IVF this time, so ostensibly, the embryo is genetically normal, but PGD is still somewhat experimental with these kinds of genetic problems, so it's possible she will miscarry again, but heck, maybe not! And that's optimism.

I am going to buy this

I believe I mentioned I will never travel without the crib again. Never is such a strong word. I am going to experiment with this Amazon 5-star rated bed at home and if it works, I will travel with it.

I currently have a bid out on a Winnie the Pooh inflatable travel bed. I am the current high bidder but there are still 2 days left on the auction so I doubt I'll win, but if I do, I won't be buying the bed from amazon, so wish me some kind of luck. I don't know if I want to win or if I want the Aero Bed. Decisions!

SarcastiCarrie now $aving you more

Sign up for 10% off coupons from lowe's and home depot (very useful for me right now since the dryer died and I am gutting my bathroom...new dryer being purchased tomorrow on the Discover card where I can get double cash back on Maytag).

http://www.lowesmoving.com/register/step2.asp
http://www.homedepotmoving.com

I'm looking for Menards too, but I don't see one for them (it'd only be good on tube socks and BBQ sauce any way).

Info on Discover card:

http://www.discovercard.com/discover/data/cashback/?icmpgn=200512_dc_bn_hk_drplnk_rwd_nap_rdm_1

The Election was Cancelled due to Lack of Interest

I went to vote on Tuesday, but the whole place was not a polling place. It was just a school on a Tuesday and the lady at the front desk of the school told me it wasn't even election day (oh, I beg to differ, ma'am). I called the Board of Election. The election in my ward was not being held as the only candidates on the ballot were running unopposed. I still thought you at least had to have the election (like when Saddam was "president" and used to say that 100% voted for him).

Chuckles is now officially Two

As of Saturday, I have a 2-year old in teh house. There was a party with cake and ice cream, singing, presents, pinata. All the stuff that there should be. It was good. Even I can't complain about anything, so that means it must have been pretty good. It's a shame it was so short, but with naps and everything, I couldn't very well have it much longer. Actually, I could have started it earlier, but people are always late to parties anyway (so Annoying).

Red Alert - No Nap Yesterday

If we have a repeat, I think I am going to quit this job.

My Dryer Died (RIP 1969-2007)

And there was a load in teh dryer and one in the washer, so I just finished hanging up two loads of laundry.

Unfortuantely, there are three loads waiting to be washed, so I think I am going to ask my backyard neighbor if I can use his line until I get a new dryer.

I have 80 of my very own clothes pins (all currently in use plus clothes on hangers and draped over the ironing board). Each sock and pair of underpants needs its own pin, so what do you do? And the towels will be so stiff, but whatever. It's better than mildewing the clothes or trying to keep Chuckles entertained at the laundromat.

A year ago today

I had my appendix removed. I don't miss it at all.

I always think of Carly when

I make cinnamon-sugar covered tortillas and today I made them. Thinking of you.

Notice

According to a sign at my grocery store, Monster energy drink is no longer covered under the food stamp program. Please make a note of it.

Travelogue and other insights

1. Do not trust your husband with any important jobs. This is the reason I have no pictures of my vacation. Mr. L-S was in charge of charging TWO sets of batteries for the digital camera, loading one set into the camera, stowing the spare set in teh camera case, and brining the camera on vacation. Let's just say thank heaven for Walgreen's and Kodak disposable cameras, but I think I would have, could have, and should have taken a whole lot more than 27 photos.
2. Kids don't care. Notice...Chuckles, did you see the Grand Canyon? Answer: "Yesh! Hewikoptore." He was much MUCH much more excited to see the helicoptors flying through the canyon like mosquitoes than he was to see the canyon itself. Oh, and the fact that we took a shuttle bus to the various overlooks was enough to enthrall the kid for days.
3. When the lady at the mini-mart (and by mini-mart I mean house that has a sign that says they sell soda and chips out of the front) asks you if you're sure you want to see the Grand Canyon today...with a baby, perhaps you should question your decisions. The day we went it was 25 deg-F at Grand Canyon, AZ. The road to the West Rim is dirt. Actually, calling the road dirt is a tad mean to dirt. The road is sand, mixed with dirt, mixed with rocks, with a boulder or two thrown in for good measure with a grade that made me reach for the non-existent grab handle in the rental car no fewer than 5 times, the road which put Chuckles right to sleep (and made me realize we installed the car seat incorrectly because it jostled about - oh the jostling), the road which potentially voided our rental car contract, which the nice lady at the store told us is bound to wash out as it was raining (and look out for loose rocks, falling debris, and wild cows...I kid you not). We went 14 miles on this road in 75 minutes. Now, I'm no math major, but that works out to an average speed of 11.2 miles per hour. So, yessir, we were cooking. Oh, and make sure your tank is full because I hadn't seen a fueling station for 100 miles.
4. Pack a lunch when going on such trips because there are no streets crossing the major highway and certainly there are no McDonald's.
5. Part 2 of do not trust your husband with any im-portant jobs. Mr. L-S was in chaarge of our itineraries, IDs, tickets, and Chuckles's birth certificate. I could not figure out why we kept getting grilled by securty and the airlines about the boy until I realized he never handed over the birth certificate. He says, "Don't do anything unless they ask or they'll think you're suspicious." Well, effer, you handed over our driver's licenses without being asked, this is his ID. They think we are kidnapping this blond-haired, blue-eyed child and smuggling him into Mexico. Show the birth certificate that says we are his parents.
6. My niece is a doll. She referred to Chuckles as "baby" and Mr. L-S, her uncle, as "new guy". I was not called anything. Such is the life of a mother. She liked "baby" ok, but not when he was chasing her with a pink doll stroller.
7. Even with a 30-pound diaper bag in tow, I still did not have enough actual diapers for an all-day trip.
8. Even with a pokey husband and a toddler in tow, I am still able to hit three or four travel destinations in one day (Hoover Dam, Joshua Tree National Forest (which makes me think of U2), Grand Canyon, and Willow Beach on the Colorado River (which is beautiful and if you ever go to Hoover Dam, stay on 93 for about 7 miles into Arizona and go here)).
9. Always but your toddler a seat even if you could bring them as a lap child. Having a car seat and an extra plane seat was just about worth the $300 we spent on it.
10. If you must take that godforesaken road to the Grand Canyon, do it in a rental car so as not to ruin your own car.
11. I had never seen poverty like that before. People just squat in the desert with a camping trailer and start adding corrugated sheet steel and plywood additions to it. And the garbage in teh yards! Man, if we get a pop can or a wrapper in teh bushes, I'm out there picking it up, but again, we have curbside garbage pick up, and I imagine they don't (what with the no curbs and the nothing for miles and miles). I'm not even sure once we got into the desert that the people have electricity. I didn't see any wires. I think they use generators to make the power. It's a very different life, that's for sure.
12. If you are taking two toddlers to JC Penney to get their pictures taken together, bring three adults - two to hold and one to sing four verses of "If You're Happy and You KNow It". The verses are: clap your hands, stomp your feet, shout hurray, and do all three (which I find quite challenging...but heck, I'm blonde).
13. I took Chuckles to the dentist today. I'm pretty sure he stitched his mouth shut the second we got to the office, but Dr. Faye did really well. She's so young and pretty and energetic. Chuckles's teeth are fine and we are to bring him with us so he can watch us get our teeth cleaned.
14. I will never travel without a crib again. My sister bumped my niece out of her crib and gave it to Chuckles and he slept through the night in a strange crib in a strange house. I will never travel without a crib again. Period. End of discussion. I may need to buy a travel trailer, but the crib is coming with us.

So I got a thing

1. I got a bed.
2. I got a call back on my resume. Yes, yes, perfect candidate, too far to drive. No not that company. Are you sure you aren't interested? Paid relocation. Very good salary. You sound perfect for hte job (and might I say that this phone interview makes you look especially thin in your worn-out elastic sweats). Maybe you could get an apartment there while you looked to sell? No, been there-done that-have teh scars to prove it. Very strong candidate. Best resume we've had for it yet. Are you sure you don't want the interview? You'll get the job offer (little does he know I've never gone on an interview and not gotten the job). Quite sure. Thanks for your time and if you see anything up my alley, please keep me in mind.
3. I got 5 books from Goodwill today. I got two 1960s original Richard Scarry books for 50 cents apiece. And a book on choo choos that we read at the library one day and it has colors.
4. I got goat's milk and breakfast sausage. NOthing exciting there, but it didn't seem fair to only have 3 numbered points.
5. I got nothing for #5, but it seemed lame to end with that #4.

What have I done?

I just sent my resume out for a job.

Let's say two jobs ago I was an ABC Manager of the X Department for the Q Company. Well, out on monster, there has been an ad for an ABC Manager of the X Department for the Secret Company. So, I sent my resume out. We'll see how that goes over. If Secret company is who I think it is, I don't want the job (a farther, but easier drive than my last job), but if I am wrong, maybe it would be OK.

Need to network, but the last time I called someone was that post a couple down, and that wasn't so great.

You know, I feel like I should say something about the Virginia Tech thing, but I can't. Very tragic, yes. But I have nothing to say. Selfishly, I am glad I wasn't there and that my family is OK. I feel bad for all involved. Very sad.

My Brain is Mush, but you get what you paid for

Well, there is lots happening here (actually, there is not, but I feel busy).

The replacement bed is being delivered tomorrow in a random 2-hour window which I have not been given yet.

We are leaving on a "vacation" on Friday. We are taking a toddler on an airplane (and it won't be nap time). This vacation will bring us to The Grand Canyon eventually. We hope to go to the cantilevered skywalk over the canyon, but apparently this is a controversial thing. I have no idea why. If you know why this is controversial, please tell me. I thought everything about the canyon was commercial now and Indian Tribes doing things to make a buck seems fairly typical to me too.

Access to The Skywalk will run from dawn to dusk and will cost $25 per person in
addition to the cost of a Grand Canyon West entrance package. One hundred
and twenty people will be allowed on the bridge at a time. Admittance is
first come, first serve for walk up visitors; however, reservations can be
made. Guests will enter and exit the walkway via temporary buildings while
the adjacent visitor’s center is being completed. Grand Canyon West plans to
issue numbered shoe covers – in order to avoid scratches and slipping - to
each visitor that enters the open-air walkway.

This "vacation" involves me entertaining young CHuckles on a four-hour flight. I also need to bring soy milk (a liquid) through security. He'll also need lunch, books, exciting toys, a change of clothes, diapers, wipes, and on and on. I've made two lists. One called "diaper bag" and the other called "suitcase" so I don't forget something important (like DING).

Also, I have no idea what this sentence from teh TSA is supposed to be saying: "Therefore, you any liquid, gel, or aerosol purchased such as coffee or soda in the secure area after you process through a security checkpoint is allowed aboard your plane." There is no limit on breast milk or formula if you have teh child with you, but what about soy milk? Should I just pack the formula as a powder and not worry about it?

And a helpful hint in case you are an idiot: "NEVER leave babies in an infant carrier while it goes through the X-ray machine."

And we will be traveling at lunch time, so I need to pack a lunch because Chuckles has some food issues, but maybe I could just bring fruit for him and buy him some chicken McNuggets. I mean, a trip to McDonald's will not actually kill him. Just me.

Speaking of killing me, CHuckles tried to kill me at least four times in the last week. Just so you know, EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE here. Chuckles let us know that from midnight to 5 am the other night. The crying - oh, the crying. He got up for teh day at 2 am on Sunday. Monday night was good. He only got up twice and one time was yelling I WANT MILK, so I pretty much nailed that on on teh first try. Last night, he slept through and I feel as if I could form a complete sentence today. Yesterday, though, he tried to stab me in teh eye with a pen. He tried to fool me into thinking he was going to take a nap by saying, "Chuh seepy, bankie, lay down, take nap, seepy nigh night mommy" and laying down on a pile of pillows, so I laid down with him and closed my eyes when BAM a pen to the eye. So, I am not falling for that again and we are once again driving in the car for a nap where I have my back to him and he is strapped into the car where he cannot reach me.

I have been stripping 6 coats of paint from our main bathroom vanity. Fun times. Good stuff. Someoen asked me if it was lead paint. Well, shit, I hope not. So, out of irrational fear, I have stopped all sanding projects and have decided to live with my bathroom in a state of semi-squalor while I look for a way out of this problem. New vanity = $1200, which I don't have (re: unemployment). This is all part of the great bathroom remodel, which was WAY more expensive than I ever planned, so I had to scale back my plans and decided to do some things myself. I need help with this and my MIL offered, so I will be milking that for what it is worth.

At Mother Goose today, a girl handed me a book and sat down in my lap and asked me to read, so I looked at her mother for approval and I read. Chuckles let this happen. He did not freak out, so perhaps, he only freaks if it's a boy in my lap or he's growing out of it secure in teh knowledge that I love him best. Oh, and he learned how to do "Cheers" with his sippy cup at the dinner table whilst Dada and I drink copious quantities of wine to make teh exhaustion-induced headaches go away. Perhaps I should put wine in teh sippy cup to help him sleep better (just kidding, all you readers from DCFS, just kidding, ha ha, it's a joke...yes yes yes it's a lame one, but again, no sleep).

Also, I feel like a fraud when reading Working Mother magazine now.

I always think of Carly when I.....

make banana bread, and today, I made banana bread. So Carly, I am thinking of you (and your grandmother, since it is her recipe).

My brain is going crazy with all these thoughts

I have a friend whom I haven't seen in a while. I dropped he and his wife a Christmas card and hadn't heard from them, which I thought was odd because his wife is generally really good about those things. Anyway, he emailed me yesterday to say that they had been very busy over the holidays and to give him a call.

So, I did. He had bumped into some people from my most-recent past employer and inquired about me since I had written a blurb about my new job in the Christmas card. They had told him I was no longer there, so he called to find out what's what. I told him. Then I asked about his busy over Christmas, work or personal, and so on.

It turns out that he and his wife got pregnant last year and they had a son just before Thanksgiving. Their son only lived 5 hours. They knew that he was seriously ill before he was born. They chose not to terminate the pregnancy and they had five sweet hours with their son. According to the father, he was a beautiful boy with a head full of brown hair and big brown eyes. Five hours. During those five hours, they had to live an entire life. They took all the pictures they will ever have of their son. They had to tell him that they loved him all the times they ever could. They had to hold him all they will ever get to hold him.

I find this so hard. My son is perfectly wonderful (upstairs sleeping after a car ride for a nap). I cannot fathom their pain. This man's wife walked around pregnant for six months knowing that the baby growing inside her was not going to live once he was born. Every day he was inside her, he was alive. But once she gave birth, he would die. So, here she is with a growing belly, with strangers smiling at her in the check-out line of the supermarket probably inquiring as to when she is due, and she had to soldier on knowing that she was not getting a "take home" baby out of this deal.

I tried to do my best while on the phone with my friend. What was his name? How much did he weigh? How are you doing now? How's work? How's your wife holding up? Did you have a funeral? How about that local sports team? I never uttered the words "It's God's plan." Nor did I say, "You're young and can try again soon." I have read that those things don't help people. Some people find it offensive that God's plan is that their baby should die. Or, trying again soon isn't going to bring my baby whom I love back to life. I hope I did OK and didn't make his pain worse.

Anyway, I have all these thoughts about how horrible this must be for them and how do you possibly move past somethinge like this to get on with the rest of your life? I mean, I can't even move past little things and this is pretty much the biggest thing I could imagine ever happening. They are obviously strong with a great marriage if they can survive this, and I wish them peace and happiness.

Catch Up

For Maundy Thursday dinner, we ended up going out for Mexican food. Woo Hoo. And Thursday is $2 off burrito dinners night. And, I think sangria was on teh down-low too, so you know, maybe I had to partake in some of that, whatever.
So, Friday (Good Friday) I made salmon, broccoli, and cous cous. Was fabulous until I realized I made fish on Friday during Lent. Very funny for a heathen like me.
I have no recollection of Saturday whatsoever.

Sunday, the Easter Bunny came and brought Chuckles a puzzle. In fact, the very first thing Chuckles said to me Sunday morning was "Upside-down car on fire" and then we looked for the Easter basket. Actually, as I lay him down in his crib Sunday night he also told me that there was an upside-down car on fire and said goodnight. Odd boy.

The Easter Bunny also came to grandma and grandpa's house and brought a big wheel. Woo Hoo. Chuckles has no interest in pedaling. At all. He prefers to locomote around by pushing the ground with his feet. Whatever.

My boy is growing up. I heard him refer to his ding as bankie (like blankie) several times today. I do not want to lose ding. I think ding is cute. I call it ding. Ding is a specific blankie. All the other blankies of the world can be bankies, but I want ding to be ding (actually, truth be told, there are two dings as you know, but let's keep that between us).
Also, from the my-boy-is-growing-up file, he is referring to me as Ma-Mee about half the time and Mr. L-S is Dad-Eee about half the time. Soon we'll be mommy and daddy and then mom and dad and then mother and father, and what happens then, huh? Strippers and all-night benders, that's what.

Once upon a time, in a land far-far away (Ohio), I was a reasonably good person. I donated blood, I donated my time and energy, I didn't swear (much), I generally drove politely. Well, fast-forward four years, 350 miles, infertility, child-bearing, crumbling marriage, sleepless toddler, and you get me.
So, I had that whole Lenten resolution thing where I tried not to judge others. I did OK. I just kept telling myself that everyone was doing the best they could given their teeny-tiny pea-sized brains (or something equally generous). If they were in a rush, I assured myself they were on their way to the hospital to see their new grand-daughter for the first time. If they cut me off, I assumed they hadn't seen me. If a woman was not perfectly groomed and had a beard full of chin hair in public, I assumed she was protesting society's strict view of beauty or was too nearsighted to see it herself. If they didn't have their child in a child safety seat secured safely in the backseat, I told myself that the child unbuckled him or herself and the parent is eagerly trying to get off the road safely to rebuckle. I did OK. I judged far less than normal, but I still couldn't shake it. I assume others are judging me all the time, so I don't worry too much about my background judgements. But, I am still not the person I once was. So, I donated blood. I feel somewhat better. I saved three lives - possibly even premature infants. Maybe I saved someone's mother. Or some drunk who wrapped his car around a tree after a night of boozing. Either way. I saved lives.
I feel somewhat better. I am growing my hair out again and plan on cutting it off for the cancer patients again. I will donate blood again. I am on the bone marrow registry, and if someone needs that marrow, I'll give it up. And if my sister needs my kidney, she can have it. If she needs my liver, though, she'll have to wait until I'm done having a couple of drinks (did you know you can now donate part of your liver and it will grow back? Craziness, I know.).

Oh, And I'd like to welcome Carly to the Perfect 12 club. It's a nice place to be and I'm glad I live here.

How is your day going?

I just finished steam cleaning the living room carpet. Potty training rocks the house. To be fair, Chuckles is a wee bit on the young side for this, but he is so eager and ready, I'd hate not to do it just becausse of his age. He'll get more stubborn and less-cooperative as he gets older, so let's do it now.

Today is Maundy Thursday. Shall I make a big (last) supper tonight? What did people in the bible eat? I know loaves. I know fishes, sure wine, but I doubt I can make a meal of that. Help me out here.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. Do you have to go to work? I do. I work seven days a week and I am on call the rest of the time. The pay is lousy, but yesterday my boss told me that my hair was pretty, so it's pretty much all worth it. His actual words...
Chuckles: Mama hair purty.

Chuckles channels a Scotsman when saying the word "turning". It comes out like t-yearning-cough-cough-haggis.
He is also a Southerner when he uses the word "help" much like that girl from the Shake-n-Bake-and-I-helped commercial.

British prisoners held in Iran released. I guess someone finally found that satellite image.
Why have I seen more coverage of a pet food recall than I did for that organic baby food recall? I like pets and all, but ahem, babies...human babies.

Speaking of pets, did I tell you I went to the Humane Society to see if they had a new friend for me? I did. I fell in love with a lazy chap named Tiger Too. I'd like to tell you he is sitting in my sunny lap right now purring like a ...ummm...something that purrs....ummmm...purring like a 1968 Camaro, but he was pending adoption, so he's probably doing that just not in my lap. I'm heartbroken, and it will be at least 3 weeks before I go there looking around again. We are going out of town in a couple of weeks, have many weekends committments, and then are hosting Chuckles's 2nd birthday party, so after that, I might tempt fate and go have a look-see over at the Humane Society again.

For his 2nd Birthday

For his baby book, I want to write down all the words Chuckles knows and uses and put that sheet in his baby book, but I have no idea how to do this. There are so many from outside, to upside-down, to dinosaur, to bra, to nectarine, to ambulance, to Grandma and Grandpa, to Uh-Oh, to potty. I think I might fail if I start this project. But it's an idea I have.

How I spent my Tuesday

Drinking Pina Coladas at shortly after noon with an old friend whom Chuckles calls Jamington. It's quite cute. That's not her name, of course, but I don't have the heart to correct him.

How I spent my Monday

Outside trying to tire someone out who refused to nap even after almost a cumulative hour of car riding. It worked. He fell asleep in the high chair during dinner.

How I spent my Sunday

We went back to the mattress store for a "comfort exchange" but the manager wasn't in and only he can do comfort exchanges but he was going to call us first thing Monday. It's now not first thing on Tuesday and he has yet to call.

Mr. Long-Suffering agrees that the bed must go back since I have taken up residence in the guest room and I refuse to come back to our bed until the mattress is gone.

How I spent my Friday

I took Chuckles for a ride on the Choo Choo train into the city. We switched trains and went to Lincoln Park for a while. My best advice gleaned from this: only exit at handicapped-accessible stops if you are traveling with a stroller. Other than that, a good time was had by all.

Nothing to See Here

Everything must be super-great, peachy-keen, nothing-to-see-here fantastic because the Everything-is-OK alarm went off at 11:59, 12:43, 3:07, 5:23, 6:00, 6:01, 6:02, 6:03, etc. I look about as good as I feel.

Also, do you think it's possible I got some bootleg, knock-off all free-and-clear small-n-mighty detergent? I have heard of imposter shampoo before. The all doesn't look or smell quite right. I have two bottles side-by-side and the very inexpensive one from Big Lots! just isn't right (it's gloppy and thin and separated and the pour spout doesn't work).

What's for Dinner?

I made Crisp-Skin High-Roast Butterflied Chicken with Potatoes from Cooks' Illustrated as seen on TV on America's Test Kitchen (check your local PBS for times). It was fabulous. I brined the bird, then I butterflied it (which is a very gross procedure), and smeared homemade flavored butter under the skin. OHMYGOSH so good. I made it with their suggestion of pan seared asparagus, which I thought was a little greasy (considering how the potatoes are cooked in rendered chicken fat). Serve it with lightly steamed asparagus and it will be good. Oh, and the smoke alarm went off, but I guess that's to be expected when you are cooking a chicken at 500 degrees (no kidding - 500). Oh and the temperature warped my good broiling pan. I thought a broiler could handle it for sure, but it warped up within 10 minutes. But it was so worth it. Best chicken I have made in a long time.

News from Beyond my Front Porch

Iran captures British sailors. With today's satellite photo technology, it should be pretty easy to figure out whether teh Brits were in Iranian territorial waters. Can someone get on this? Doesn't really matter, because Iran is a rogue state and will do whatever teh hell it wants no matter what, but at least we'll have righteous indignation on our side.


Harvard accepted 9% of applicants this year, a record low. It doesn't sound that bad to me. When I was applying to college, my school took 13% of applicants. So, really, 9% or 13%, either way, it's a selective school. Harvard is upping its financial aid to families who make under $90,000 per year. If you truly want diversity of thought and not just diversity of skin color, this is an excellent way to go. A black person from Manhattan has a lot more in common with most folks at Harvard than a white kid from Appalachia.


If you are at unusually high risk for breast cancer, get an MRI according to new guidelines.


Have you seen Heather Mills on Dancing with the Stars? She's not bad. Neither is Cliff Clavin from Cheers although he's no J. Peterman from Seinfeld.

The Everything-Is-OK Alarm

I mentioned that Chuckles calls out for me in the middle of the night by name (MaaaaaaMaaaaaa) every 90 minutes or so in a voice that could wake the dead. Yes, I did mention that. Uh huh. I have decided that this calling for me is the "Everything-Is-OK Alarm". He's just doing it to let me know he's fine. It only takes 2 minutes or so and requires no user intervention, so he's just letting me know he's still here and he's fine. We'll call it this so I don't go out of my flipping mind. Let me point out that I am not hearing this over some sort of baby monitor I could turn off. Our house is small. I just hear it. And sit bolt upright until I realize Everything-Is-Just-Fine.

He has a different cry when something is not OK. He cries something like this:

• "Blue Ding on Flooooooooor. I want Blue Ding." (I wonder what that means. What is he trying to tell me?)
• "Chuh feet cold." ("Chuh" is his name for himself.)
• "MaaaaaaMaaaaaa out!"

So all-in-all Everything Is OK, but I haven't slept more than 3 hours uninterrupted in about 3 weeks and I think it is taking its toll.

It's Thursday

Mr. Long-Suffering went to the Nurse Practitioner on Monday. She swabbed his nose. He has influenza. The flu is a serious illness. People die from it and stuff. Chuckles and I had flu shots, but not Mr. Long-Suffering. The busband's NP wrote him a script for Tamiflu. She also wrote one for me and urged us to call our perdiatrician ASAP, which I did and whose nurse told me to monitor him for signs of illness (duh). So, I feel fine. Man has been off of work since last Thursday. He's upstairs in bed (the crappy new bed) right now moaning. I am finishing up the taxes and went to a weightlifting class today and took out the garbage and did four loads of laundry and made breakfast and so on. So, FLU SHOT = GOOD.

It bears repeating

This song is so catchy....Go. Watch. Now.

Chuckles has discovered helping

This weekend he "helped" with the following:

• Dig holes in the garden and fill them back in
• Transport small amounts of dirt from here to there in the crevices of his shoes.
• Transport large amounts of dirt under his fingernails and on his cheeks
• Brush my hair
• Load the dishwasher
• Water his shoes
• Relocate all my gardening tools

All in all, a good time. And he learned the shapes triangle, heart, star, and circle. Next week we learn rhombus, I think. That's next on the list, right?

Did You know....?

In Wisconsin Blood Marys come with a side shot of beer? I'm just saying is all.

Potty Training is Going Great. Thanks for Asking

Read any good books lately?

Here's the Picture of the Curly Hair

Shirley Temple or Maddy from Moonlighting?

I Al Gore

Dear Al,
Thanks for inventing the internet. I found such great things this weekend.

You must watch this video It's Hugh Grant from Music and Lyrics and it's teh video from his Wham!-like earlier career. The video and song are pitch-perfect mid-80s. Oh my gosh, when the guys in teh band are dancing back and forth, well, PoP! went my heart. You must watch it. The song is good too. It was written by the same guys who did That Thing You Do. But the video is not a parody - more of an impersonation and it's good. All it needed to be totally 80s was a mirror shattering somewhere with the picture of the lost girlfriend breaking.

And here is the video of the Muppets doing Menominom It's terribly catchy. It was the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper Song.

I also googled two odd thing this weekend for Chuckles: Dogs in Hats and found this video
I also discovered that there will be a movie this summer about a fire dog who wears hats.

I also googled "Pictures of Backhoes" and found this awesome website from some association of construction professionals. Chuckles sat on my lap for almost an hour as I read to him about the different kinds of construction machinery.

In conclusion, thanks Al, you saved me.

I knew it was going to be a long weekend when

Mr. Long-Suffering asked me where the Braun Ear Thermometer was at 1:00 Saturday morning. (answer: in Chuckles's room, of course). The temp was 105.1. It wasn't Chuckles. It was Mr. A fever that high in an adult is alarming, to say the least. I went and got our more traditional non-rectal thermometer (it's oral). (a sidenote on thermometers: ear is grea tfor a ballpark to let you know if you need to bother with the rectal in kids or the oral in adults. It's quick and easy - not super accurate, but close enough to let you know if further digging is required...much easier than rectal....oh, and my basal body temp digital thermometer is now our rectal thermometer, so I guess I'll never chart again.) Anyway, the Mr. had a 104.0 fever when taken by traditional oral thermometry. So, he was useless all weekend (unless the use you need is for someone to watch Animaniacs on DVD from the couch). He's a good guy and tolerated his illness well. I forced him via gunpoint to take something for the fever because he's one of those people who gets seizures and bursts blood vessels in his eyes if his fever gets too high, and that was one of the last things I needed.
Before he got sick, Mr. Long-Suffering bought us a new bed. I am not a big fan of it. It's rather firm. But I got a good price on it. The first night on the new bed, I barely slept between the frequent fever checks and a baby who thinks screaming "MaMa" at full power (oh-ho-ho, my baby goes up to eleven) is a good activity to do every 90 minutes all night long (he requires no intervention, I think he does it in his sleep...his sleep, not mine). I'm hoping the bed works out because I dropped our old one at Goodwill today for the tax deduction along with a TV.

Dinners

• Saturday was corned beef, cabbage, etc.
• Sunday was corned beef, cabbage, etc at my in-laws.
• Monday was supposed to be our leftover corned beef and cabbage, but we decided to go for Mexican instead.
• Tuesday was the leftover corned beef and cabbage.
• Tonight is Wednesday (though it really feels like Thriday). What should I fix tonight? I think chicken after all this beef.

Blog Admin

I just added a link to Ask Moxie for some Advice over the to the right there. She's good. And if she doesn't know, chances are her readers do. I comment there occasionally when I have something good to add (usually about working and pumping breastmilk or other career-related topics or recipes).
I asked Moxie way back when Chuckles was 7-months old and never ever ever slept through the night ever. He still doesn't do it every night, but some kids don't and he's perfect just the way he is (even if I need my beauty rest). Moxie calmed me down and told me it would eventually pass, I was doing everything I could, and it wasn't my fault because I did something wrong or didn't do something else.

Weaknesses

I have a few weaknesses (OK, not a few, many and I will list them here):

• Back to Nature chocolate and mint sandwich cookies. They are like a frickin' Thin Mint Oreo. When they are in stock, you can buy them on amazon.
• Saving margarine tubs. I always think they will come in handy, and I am not the only one saving them because they have started printing the tubs and lids with little patterns so they will be pretty when you save them, but I can't imagine a scenario where having the pattern on there would make you buy that brand, "Henry, get the Imperial. It has little blue baskets and flowers that will match our Corelle perfectly." So, I think I save the margarine tubs should Chuckles ever need to mix a small batch of plaster of paris or take up watercoloring. Speaking of which, do kids start by painting outside, because it seems messy? Do you tape the paper to the ground? I went to Menard's and looked for 3M tape for "taping paper to the ground", but I didn't find it. I know it must exist because back in the Pleistocene Era when I was in college, people used to tape brightly colored fliers advertising the latest Sudoku. It's like crack. It's cutting into my blogging.
• Goodwill - They have some good stuff, and it's like a treasure hunt. I bought 8 Little Golden Books there yesterday, two 3T Disney Store shirts, and 3 Hanes T-shirts (brand new) and spent about $10. Target sends their stuff there to be sold after they have tried putting it on Clearance. They had snow boots for boys, but they didn't have Chuckles's size for next winter, or I would have bought those too. Mr. Long-Suffering thinks my penny pinching is endearing and was excited about the snow boot find since Chuckles never did get boots this winter because I refused to pay $30 for boots. Must look at ebay in August. Sure, some of the prices on things at Goodwill are a little high for used things, but every week they have one day where it is 50% off. Soooooo, we'll be back. Lucas Grezweski was teh previous owner of most of the books I bought according to the inside cover. Would it be weird to look them up in the phone book and ask if they had anything they are willing to sell? How many Grezweskis can there be? Oh right, Chicago, about a million.

What did we eat?

The impromptu dinner party for eight went smashingly well. We had:

• Corned Beef (and hot dogs for some less-adventurous children)
• Cabbage
• Carrots
• Mashed Yukon Gold and red potatoes
• homemade Irish soda bread
• Coffee (all Irished up with whiskey, kahlua, and whipped cream)
• heart-shaped cake with a big green shamrock in the center and candy pieces sprinkled on it

Chuckles haad a great time playing in his tent and tunnel with his six-year old aunt. This morning, he keeps talking about where Grandpa sat and where his 13-year old uncle built a tower WITH BLOCKS and so on.

I had a bit too much Irish coffee and couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep then (dang caffeine), so when Chuckles rose for the day slightly before 7 am, I was less than enthused. And if Saturday feels like Tuesday, then Sunday feels an awful lot like Wednesday, so Happy Hump Day.

Errata/Corrections

In yesterday's pithy post, I identified the host of Weekend Today as Natalie Martinez. Weekend Today's host is actually Campbell Brown and Natalie Morales was doing a segment. SarcastiCarrie regrets these errors.

For the record

When you are a stay-at-home mom and your husband works weekends, Satuday looks a lot like Tuesday except when you flip on the Today show at 7, it's Natalie Martinez looking back at you instead of Meredith Viera.

Burning Question

Do the wipers on the bus go (a) swish, swish, swish (b) back-and-forth or (c) wash, wash, wash?

Clearly, the answer is B, but I keep seeing it written incorrectly.

Random Musings of a Lighter Nature

If I am at a bar/social gathering and am being hit upon, but am completely uninterested, I give out the name Charlotte Edwards. Mr. Long-Suffering goes by Tim Pullman (and if we're together and trying to blow someone off, Chuckles goes by the name Eric).

I think a good rule-of-thumb is that you should never go on Jerry Springer to find out who the father of your baby is, but if you do, it had better be one of the six guys you bring on with you, because if not, you look kind of slutty.

It's not you, it's me

I think I might have a problem. I think it might not be all Mr. Long-Suffering's fault. I think I might have some complicity in this mess, but I have no idea how to fix it. I think I might be a tad more than sad, possibly bordering into clinical territory. It's been 6 weeks and I don't think I have gone longer than 26 hours without crying. Some days, I can barely go an hour. Today is one of those days.
I took Chuckles for a scenic ride to an out-of-the-way mailbox for nap. When I got home, I put laundry into the washer and proceeded to fill it with my tears and I haven't stopped yet. It's been 45 minutes and I can't stop crying. That's not good. In fact, I feel a tiny bit hopeless, and I am starting to understand some very unpleasant truths. I want to get hurt (don't worry, I won't actually hurt myself), but I'd like to be mildly injured, stabbed perhaps, so that I could go to the hospital and get "fixed" because that's what they do there, right? You go in broken and come out a day later all fixed - just like with my appendicitis. I am starting to think that hating my husband might be some form of anger transferrence wherein I actually am not very happy with myself.
Am I having a nervous breakdown, some form of a mid-life crisis, delayed post-partum depression, or something else entirely (like low blood sugar, maybe...no probably not since I just devoured a stack of granola bars as tall as one Thomas the Tank Engine on top of a Fisher Price dump truck)?
Every morning, I wake up and vow I will be a better person today. I will clean teh house and put away the toys and make dinner and get the boy to nap without a ride in teh car and balance the checkbook and vacuum the couch cushions and finish the taxes, and every day, when my big opportunity comes at (car-gotten) nap time, I wimp out and check email and do Sudoku until 3:35 when I realize nap is almost over and I run around tidying up like madwoman. I can't concentrate, I hate everything, I procrastinate, I cry, and I am completely unproductive (although in my defense, when Chuckles is awake, I am the model of a perfect, attentive Stepford-esque mother).
So, I gave myself three weeks from the beginning of Daylight Saving Time to get better before I called my doctor, but right now, 2.5 more weeks of this sounds like 16 million bajillion years. I feel like I have been sad for x times 19 months, where x is a variable that is really, really big.
And I think I am not thinking particularly clearly since I keep googling things about how to end my marriage painlessly. Although, right now, I am quite sure I don't want a divorce (because, my god, I have no job, how can I pay for a lawyer, let alone support myself, and really, I think my husband is a pretty good guy - just perhaps not aware of my inner turmoil).

So, I have to make a plan, because I always feel better with a plan.

1. Tonight after Grey's Anatomy, I must confess the whole, horrible, most embarassing mess to my husband.
2. Schedule counseling.
3. Invite my dad and his family for corned beef and cabbage on St. Pat's Day, because really, on the outside, I look completely functional and a small dinner party for 10 won't make me any more stressed than I am already and will give me something to look forward to.

I need to get a job

I was walking Chuckles and passed a house with the address of 1141. The first thing that came to mind was resulfurized free-machining steel (not "I am 3 blocks from home").

I just thought I would go to monster and see what's out there. I typed in the keyword of what I do and ONE job came up. ONE. It is two miles from my house at a company I have been trying to get an interview with for four and a half years. And they have an opening. For an entry-level technician. Should I submit my completely and totally over-qualified resume?

For an axample of how I am over-qualified (because this is not just me being snobby, for a change). The job does not require any college. I have a BS and some graduate work. The job requires 5-7 years experience. I have ten. The job would report to the manager of whatever. I have been the manager of whatever's boss. That's over-qualified. In fact, I don't even know if I would enjoy being the technician. It's not because I think I am too good for it. It's just because I'd always be wondering what these test results are going to tell someone or how they will be used. It's like taking a doctor and having her run teh blood tests and when she sees values that are way of out whack and wonders how ill that person is, she just has to pass the results on to someone else.

Went to Pilates today

I think I might be allergic to exercise.

Shocking, but true

Famous Amos sandwich cremes are superior to Oreos. I can hardly believe it, but it is true. Oreo recently got rid of trans fats (hydrogenated oils) from their recipe by replacing them with the almost-as-bad palm oils. Famous Amos still has the trans fat. Is it possible that whole-wheatier-than-thou me prefers trans fats? I certainly hope not.

My love-hate with Whole Foods continues

You may recall that I love Whole Foods because they have vegan cheese, but I hate them because although their distribution center is 1.5 miles from my house teh nearest retail outlet is a half hour drive away. Well, today I love hate tehm because:

Love them because they have goat's milk ice cream. Some day Chuckles will discover ice cream (and like it) and now I won't have to deny him.

Hate them because the flavors of ice are, uh, kind of gross: fig, green tea, but also regular old chocolate and vanilla, but no strawberry and no rocky road and no mint chip. Is it worth having ice cream without those flavors?

Wanna watch as Daylight Saving Time kicks my butt?

Almost 9 am and child is still sleeping after yesterday's day of no nap. How will I possibly fix this? The no nap was supposed to put him to bed early and then I was going to wake him up this morning, but last night, he dozed in the high chair during dinner (which was so cute) and I don't have the heart to wake him right now he's such an angel. I used to be the master and pro of this time changing stuff, but now that I'm home, I'm falling apart.

Let's talk about something a little more serious

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) recently revised their guidelines for genetic disorder screening. Specifically, they used to offer amniocentesis or Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) to women 35 and older or those with specific risk factors for genetic diseases. The new guidelines offer invasive testing to all women. The tests are called invasive because a needle is actually inserted into the uterus and tissue or fluid samples are removed. There is a small but real chance of miscarriage with these procedures. The old cut-off age of 35 was based on teh assumption of an equal risk of miscarriage and genetic disorder. The procedures are much safer now (as the needles are guided by ultrasound) and so the chances of loss mean that it would theoreticaly be safer for everyone to get them. So far, this doesn't sound controversial, I know. But here's the thing, there are no treatments for Down syndrome or other Trisomies (a trisomy is when the baby has three copies of any chromosome instead of the standard 2, Down syndrome is a specific trisomy). So, once you know about the condition before birth, there are two options:

1. Continue the pregnancy
2. Terminate the pregnancy

I have no opinion as to what other people should do with their own bodies. I know that having a baby with a serious genetic disorder is a big deal and if you don't think you can handle it, then that's OK. Some people don't think others should terminate no matter what so they don't want you to know. That seems a bit unfair to me.

There are legitimate reasons to know about conditions prior to birth that have nothing to do with termination. In the case of neural tube defects, a scheduled c-section can be planned for the birth to reduce stress on the baby.

In the case of Down syndrome, you may need extra help breastfeeding and knowing this in advance, doing the research and having the support system in place sets you up for greater success. Many DS babies also have heart defects and having an appointment with a cardiologist set might mean better, quicker treatment.

Nevermind the emotional issues involved. Some people don't like surprises. Some people would like to research and read up on a condition and treatment and care before their baby is home while they have the time to read. Some women who choose to continue pregnancies may look into making an adoption plan. A lot of couples would like to adopt a baby with Down syndrome.

And the ACOG is not mandating that you get this testing. If you have no desire to know about any birth defects and would not terminate no matter what and just want to spend 9 months falling in love with your baby whom you have sworn to love no matter what, that's OK too and no one will make you get tested.

The amnio can also reveal the gender of your baby with 100% accuracy (because it actually looks at the genetic make up of the fetus/baby). Will people opt to have the testing in the absence of risk factors just so they can paint the nursery?

I am from the Knowledge is Power school of thought, so here is what I would do:

• first trimester quad-screen with nuchal fold translucency scan, bone measurements, etc
• if questionable results, I'd probably do CVS
• if all's good, I'd wait for the big 18-20 week anatomy scan to confirm everything good
• if questionable, I'd probably do the amnio
• if all's good, I'd wait for the birth

Now, what would I do if any of the genetic testing confirmed a problem? I have no idea. Down syndrome isn't all Corky from Life Goes On. There are heart defects. There are increased risks of illness, learning disabilities, and so on. What if it found another trisomy? I have no idea. It would depend on the prognosis.

I'm not sure what circumstances would make me terminate a pregnancy. I am pretty sure I would terminate if there was a serious threat to my health. I need to be here to care for Chuckles. If the fetus had a condition incompatible with life (such as anencephaly - a neural tube defect that's basically lack of a brain), I would probably terminate. I just can't imagine carrying for 9 months and giving birth to a baby who would die minutes later. It's the other conditions, the ones where the baby could be ill or might suffer but would not necessaily die (or at least not right away) where you don't know.

Do not skimp on....

Fold-Lock Top Sandwich bags. The generic ones either rip because they suck or are too small to accomodate wide-pan breads. Stick with Baggies or Glad sandwich bags. Zipper Top or Slide Lock bags seem fine in generic though.
BTW, for the sake of full disclosure, Jenn says Target brand sandwich bags are just fine. So avoid, the Dollar General and Big Lots! bags.

Generic or Not

I'm a value girl. I save money where I can. I buy on sale and used. I buy in bulk. I buy off-brand and store brand. But, even I have my limits. Here is a little list of what I will buy as generic and what I won't.

Generic or Store Brand:

• Diapers (except for Huggies Overnight, we use Baby Basics)
• Tissues
• Paper Towels
• Canned mushrooms
• Canned tomatoes
• canned fruits and veggies (store brand OK - generic not OK)
• Peanut Butter and Jelly (we buy President's Choice All Natural)
• Bread
• Cereal (although, I buy name brand too)
• Oatmeal
• Sugar (white, brown, and powdered)
• Saltines
• Egg Noodles
• Pop (don't call it soda)
• Infant Formula (Wal*Mart brand is made by one of the big companies)
• Hand Soap
• Dishwasher Detergent
• Toilet Cleaner
• Pain Relievers, Cough Drops, Prescription Drugs
• Lotion and Moisturizers

Name Brand all the way:

• Tampons and Pads (I used to buy generic but then they changed from a soft cotton-y cover to some scratchy plastic dri-weave type thing)
• Condoms
• Baby Wipes (store brand is OK, but generic bad)
• Toilet Paper must be Cottonelle
• Crayons must be Crayola (trust me, I've tried others like Rose Art and Cran)
• Flour
• Triscuits (I've tried store brand and no)
• Batteries
• Tea (and I assume coffee as well)
• Bath Soap (dove for me, Irish Spring and Dial for the Man)
• Dish Soap
• Bath Tub Cleaner
• Laundry Detergent (although I hear some non-allergic people can go generic)
• Ice Cream (Breyer's or Edy's)

So, do you have brand loyalty?

I need a plan

I'm a plan person. I need to have a plan. In my mind, eventually, I am going back to work. But, I have no timetable for this. I also don't know whether or if I am going to have a second baby. How does that plan in with getting a job? Should I do the fertility treatment now while I'm home and have the time, but our current insurance doesn't cover it and then it would be hard to get a job while pregnant. And the remodeling? Oh, the remodeling.

Well, I know for one thing I cannot go on hating my husband and blaming him because I burned the toast (oh, it's his fault because if not for him, I would be at work not at home making PBJ sandwiches on a Wednesday). So, I need a plan on how to stop hating him and get over it already. I know I am bored listening to myself complain about him and I'm sure you are too. And I have no plan on how to get over it. So, I am going to outline a plan:

1. Figure out whether it is solely me who has a problem or us. I lean toward it being a combination. I think I might need some good drugs to help me snap out of my non-stop mascara-running cry-a-thon. I think I always get a little blue in the winter, so either I need help or maybe spring will come and I'll be better then. Daylight Saving Time starts this weekend. If I don't feel better 3 weeks after that, I'll call my doctor to see about getting some Wellbutrin or something.
2. Explain to husband that I hate him and I/we need help. He's a manly man and those types don't take kindly to asking for help so this might be harder, but I think if I explain it to him that this is a good thing because it will stop me from smothering him while he mouth breathes in his sleep, he might just go along with it.
3. Currently, I have another browser window open (I'm not technically cheating on you since I'm not blogging over there). It's open to the website for The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. There are 9 providers within 5 miles of my house. One looks suitable (too many are affiliated with churches and a few don't take our insurance). So, perhaps I will see about getting the Mr and I in for some impartial refereeing. I don't think he understands what a huge toll this has taken on me. I also don't think he owns his part in this. So, maybe I'm taking it way too hard or he isn't taking it hard enough. Either way, the impartial third-person referee should be able to help us with that. I'd say 3 sessions and we'll know more.

So, that's my rudimentary plan. The good news is everyone lives. The bad news is I still don't know whether to have another baby (you know, reading it like this, it's pretty clear to me that now is not the time to have another baby. There, I said it. It makes sperfect sense when you read it all together as a plan. Don't have a baby with a man you hate. Easy. ). Ok, so that's solved. Now, what should I do about getting a job? I told myself I would not work on my resume or look at all for at least a month and so far, I haven't looked (too busy blogging, doing Sudoku, and working on our taxes), but should I look now? Should I take the summer off? Would I just feel too guilty driving Chuckles around in the air conditioned truckto get a nap on an ozone action day?

Ouch

I can't hold my arms straight because then my triceps hurt and I can't hold them bent because then my biceps hurt and don't even get me started on my hamstrings.

Is this normal (or at least within the realm of normal)?

I want to step out of my life. I don't want to die or anything. I just want to go away. I'd like to leave my life, circumstances, house, car, some/most of my family, work or lack thereof behind and just start over as someone else with a totally different life and different circumstances and different.
That's normal, right?
We all go through rough patches, right?
What do you think I'd have to tell the feds to get in the witness protection program?

Hi! I'm Back

I just finished scrubbing the downstairs loo floor with pine cleaner and a toothbrush. I feel better now. As my reward, I am having a Nature Valley Sweet-n-Salty Peanut granola bar and am going to go do the Interactive Sudoku at suntimes.com.

I went to the health club

I thought I was taking a pilates class, but instead wound up in Sadistic Ladies' Weight Lifting Challenge. If I can type tomorrow, I'll let you know how I feel.

I'll never have that hour back

I just spent an hour in teh downstairs potty with a boy who would not put on a diaper. Then, he'd sit on teh potty and squeeze out five drops of pee which he had to dump into the big potty by flinging the little potty cup near my head. I uttered the following phrases:

• Don't drink the potty
• Don't touch the potty
• Diaper or potty
• Please just put on the diaper
• Handwashing is over
• You're just not old enough to potty

See, the thing is, after an hour in there with no diaper, he didn't go anywhere but on the potty, so he's ready. He's just not mature enough to leave the seat alone, don't step in the potty, let mommy help, and so on. Everything in the bathroom is covered in pee (if you viist, you the upstairs potty). I knelt in pee and need new pants. He stepped in pee. All this pee got on teh floor because the stupid potty chair is dumb and his penis faces straight out when sitting and the guard doesn't go up that high and all his helping to dump the pee got pee everywhere (never mind the toilet water he scopped out of the big potty with the potty cup).

Calgon, do my laundry!

Monday Night's Dinner

Shrimp with multi-grain pasta in a light garlic lemon butter sauce served with sugar snap peas. Very good. A++

Nagging Feeling

I have this nagging feeling that I hate my husband. I know it is terribly unfair as I am a grown woman capable of making my own decisions, but I really feel like I was manipulated. You know, when you are given completely free reign to choose among 4 really crappy options it's no choice at all.

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. I threw away my promising career for him. He lied to me and told me all the right things and then whelched on a deal. He has no plans of ever ever ever ever leaving the house in which we live (which he now wants to remodel...is he fricken insane?...he wants to plow about $10k into the house...bathroom, roof, windows, painting...a house that we can't sell at a very low price to start and now he wants to "improve" the house so we can never move without taking a loss on the house). I hate him. It's so hard because I do love the dumbass (ponounced...Dumas - like the author).

Oh, and once upon a time, we actually had an offer on our house right after we put it on the market and between dumas #1 husband and dumas #2 realtor, that deal fell through. If it had gone, I'd be living my new life right now. Would I be happier? I have no idea. Dumas #1 would probably be blogging while a stay-at-home-dad and complaining about how I dragged him kicking and screaming across state lines.

So, bottom line, I apparently have feelings and I have no idea how to process them, deal with them, make them go away, and move on with my life (since I am committed to being married to this guy for the rest of my life). If anyone has suggestions of a book I can read to make it all go away, I have a library card and am scheduled back there on Wednesday for the Mother Goose on the Loose program (today, I sneaked Chuckles into Terrific Twos and Threes even though he is 2-months shy of 2).

Dear Al,

We're back from our ride. As the father of several and grandfather of at least two (one of whom is named Oscar incidentally), do you think I need to call Poison Control for an entire stick of Cherry Chap-Stick ingested whilst Chuckles was sitting on my lap? In my defense, I was busy reading Clifford and the Big Red Stop Sign. So, Poison Control or not?
Waiting for your reply,
SarcastiCarrie

Dear Al,

My husband put our son down for a nap today without going for a ride in the car, so if you'd like to save the planet, get me a job and get me out of here and have my husband stay home.
Yours in Solidarity,
Carrie Sarcastic

Potty Watch 2007

We have poopie and peepee in the potty. We still have poopie and peepee in the diaper, but heck, Chuckles will be 22-months old tomorrow, so I'd say getting it in the potty is good enough for now.
I need some practical advice (a sketch might be necessary). How do you wipe someone's bottom after they go on the potty? I am trying to have him lean forward while I wipe from behind, but I am pretty sure he's not getting as clean as he could be. Should I just not worry and make sure to give him a good bath? How do I do this?

I went, I saw, I ate, I drank

Back from the party, and my hair totally looked good no matter what my husband says. I took a picture and if I am so inclined, I will upload said picture to the blog and you can assure me that I look nothing like my mother.
We made it home by midnight, when I promised my mother (who it turns out was asleep in front of SNL) we would be.
Chuckles was an angel for her. "Bed, night night grama, DING, choo-choo cup" at 8:05.
I drank 4 to 5 glasses of wine in 4 hours. That's cool. I brought rice krispie treats since we were supposed to bring things to dip in a chocolate pinot noir fondue. I knew no one there for the first 2 hours but made small talk and generally had a decent enough time. In fact, we made plans for next weekend with two couples who were there (the only people we knew..who arrived "fashionably" late).
I was not the most socially awkward sciene-type person in the room since most of the people there had PhDs in some kind of soil compaction science or were married to said people, so I was decidedly middle-of-the-pack on the nerd-o-meter, which was a welcome change.
I think I accidentally insulted one woman by asking who could possibly look good in a halter style top (what with the lack of support and all). Turns out her weding dress was halter, but I recovered by saying that a wedding dress would stand up on its own so there is no lack of support there.
I also had a rousing discussion about the best brand of diapers with a mother of a 2-month old daughter (I also assured her that the weight would fall off once she weaned, so don't worry and enjoy the nursing relationship). A couple of other mothers and a woman who was expecting all joined in and we all told the expectant mother that she would have no idea what kind of diaper worked for her baby until it is born. Chuckles cannot wear Pampers. There. I've said it. It's true. Huggies are OK, but generic rock the house.
Oh, and I got lucky. Twice.

It's Saturday night and I feel like a party

I'm going to a party tonight. We have a sitter and everything. So, I figured I'd rock the house, so I set my hair - like with a curling iron. I thought I was totally channeling mall hair from 1989 Bon Jovi videos and looked hot, but my husband insists I look a whole lot more like Shirley Temple circa 1939.

Oh, and the 31-year old woman in the mirror totally looked like my mom, so oh my god. Dude, I'm 31. And I remember when my mom was 31. And she's totally not hot now, so what is going to happen to me?

We have poopie in the potty (and lots more pee too)

So exciting that I blog poop.

We have pee-pee in the potty

I was planning on starting potty training Monday, but Chuckles said, "Potty" and took me by the hand into the bathroom, so I figured I'd set him on there and cheer him on (Yay, go potty....yay go pee pee on the potty.). He went. Three different times today. I hope it's this easy.

Oh and he tried to go poopie on the potty, but ended up going in his diaper while I was taking off his pants. No more jeans for him. It's all sweatpants and no onesie shirts from here on out.

Oh, have I really come this

I have nothing to say. Ok, that's not true. I have lots of things to say, but I'm afraid they are not terribly interesting, so you are forewarned. Feel free to bail out of this post at any minute.

• Chuckles woke up in the middle of the night because he still does not sleep through the night consistently. I have no idea what time it was, but I did go in there and comfort him. I have only the vaguest recollections of it though.
• I think my husband is exacting elaborate revenge. Because I was gone for 4 months, he worked late the last two nights. We should be even now, right?
• 53 minutes is not a long enough nap, go back to sleep kid.
• If a child pees out of his diaper after 2 hours, 3 days in a row, does that mean he needs the next size diaper?
• Why was Grey's Anatomy a re-run? Aren't we in the middle of a sweeps period?
• I took Chuckles to Great Clips for a haricut (coupon for $5.99). I wanted to get my money's worth, but now he looks like the littlest neo-Nazi skinhead. Not a good look on a blond-haired blue-eyed kid. He's so freaking cute though, but really 1-1/2 on the back and 3 on the top on the clippers might be a smidge too short.
• During aforementioned haricut, Chuckles refused to be the big boy I know he is and sit anywhere but on my lap with his face buried in my neck. I'm covered in hair clippings and have a crick in my neck now.
• I dropped peanut butter chocolate chip cookies off at my old workplace (two ago workplace, argh, so confusing) and visited and put out feelers for a new local job. Also, showed off my child's speaking and comprehension.
• The peanut sauce from last night had good flavor but was a wee bit goopy and there was much too much of it. Only needed about 3 T for the whole dinner and the recipe made about a cup, which I put on the food, so overdone. Much too much. But good flavor. Will cut the recipe in half or more next time and might thin out with water before putting it on the food.
• Chuckles loves "HAM".
• Note to self: Go to library and get books on potty training.

Vocabulary lesson: callipygian

: having shapely buttocks

Lent Self-Imrpovement Update

I have not judged anyone in 30 whole minutes (granted, I've been home alone with a napping toddler and the TV and radio off), but I think this might be an all-time record for me.

I did judge the very impatient woman behind me (in the school zone) who kept looking annoyed and going to the double yellow line to see what was in front of me (answer: nothing). After the little ticket I got in that very school zone 15 months ago, I am like the freaking poster girl for school zone safety, so Miss White Buick LeSabre, you can thank me for saving you $200 and 8 hours of driving school because Mr. Police Guy was in the parking lot of the quiki-mart.

3 vignettes from day 3

1. Chuckles and I practiced numbers by counting pantyliners. What's not fun about counting with "stickers"?
2. Chuckles and I went to Target and we were walking teh main aisle. In a voice normally reserved for announcing the presence of a truck or bus, Chuckles points and says, "BRA!!!!"
3. I keep little tubes of hand lotion on the night stand to put on right before bed to keep my hands silky smooth. I also keep a tube of petroleum jelly there to put on CHuckles's cheeks after bath since he has eczema. He saw the tube of petroleum jelly and announced, "Cheeks", so I let him play while I put away laundry. Imagine my horror when I turned back around and saw my baby's cheeks covered in, ahem, personal lubricant. It's water-based though, so I am sure it's fine.