Saturday, October 27, 2007

It;s just me, isn't it

Have you ever been tempted to do something baaaaaad and as if in a sitcom, a little angel appers on one of your shoulders and a little devil on the other. Let's call them SarcastiCarrie and AngeliCarrie. Today one of them is telling me to eat the pie before our dinner guests arrive. They'll never know I was going to give them a pie. And that stupid do-gooder on the other shoulder is telling me I want my pants to fit in the morning and my blood sugar and insulin resistance and blah blah blah. Ding Dong. Gotta go. The guests are here.

Speaking of Potential New Babies

Next one is named Bo-Bo. Boy or girl. Once you've named one kid after a clown (Chuckles), you really need to keep that up with the next kid.

Home Alone

OK, so technically, Chuckles is here, but he's been asleep for 3 hours (more than), I made an apple pie and it is already cooled. I've surfed teh web, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen and dining room and sorted teh little green army men from the little blue police men. Now what?

The Mr. is out doing what he loves best...browsing at the hardware store without anyone needing to go potty, no one looking bored or rushing him, etc. I bet he's in heaven. I'll ask him when he comes home.

Three Little Words

Watch more Three Little Words here.

Crying (because I am a sap)

So, I was just saying I don't cry much anymore. But then I went and watched Good Morning America Satuday this morning. They have this segment called Three Little Words or something. And people take videos (you-tube style) and send them in of Three Little Words. Today we saw the following powerful images:
  • A piece of notebook paper saying "Fighting off cancer" and then the paper is pulled down and you see a 6-month old baby with a huge scar on his back crawling away
  • A man and woman on the front porch or a middle-America house. Her paper says Will Miss You. His says Miss U More. He is in uniform. She kisses him.
  • Three index cards that are being held up by a woman whose face you cannot see...just her hands. They read: My Rapist Jailed!!!! and then the hands give two thumbs up.
  • A girl with glittering nailpolish and lots of rubber bracelets on writing in a notebook My Mom Survived and a little pink ribbon
  • A photo frame on the mantel and the words, I miss you.
  • A cat and dog kissing and playing and the words Love Is Blind
  • A picture of twins and Worth The Wait
  • A big pregnant belly with the words Dream Come True written on it (in marker, not stretch marks)
  • A mom and son with signs reading "Adopting from China" and "Waiting for Sister"

And then you can write your Three Little Words on their website. These are some:

  • Love Conquers All
  • Please Parent, Britney
  • Embryo Transfer 10/21 (ed: and good luck to you)

I'm not supposed to be this emotional. I swear, the only time I ever cried from that damn coffee commercial was when I was pregnant. I mean, Peter came home and surprised his mother. I don't know why she's so shocked. He's been doing it every year since 1982!

Babymaking lazy, infertile style

So, uhm, I have no idea what cycle day I am on since I have no idea when I should start counting. Is it first day of spotting, first day of flow, first day off of the pill, three days after the last pill when my body would finally figure out that I hadn't taken a pill?

I have no idea. Either way, I am somewhere in the Day 20-something range.

In all the fertile propaganda, they say you start bleeding on Day 1 (what no spotting beforehand, you just go full-on into flow?), ovulate on Day 14, and then conclude on Day 28. Well, in the real world, something else happens entirely. Who knows?

Generally, ovulation takes place 12 to 16 days before you get your period. How that helps you figure out when ovulation will take plce, I do not know. That time between ovulation and the appearance of your period is known as the luteal phase. If your luteal phase is shorter than about 12 days, you are more likely to miscarry when you do conceive because of something with progesterone. That's called a luteal phase defect. The first part of your cycle from period until ovulation is known as the follicular phase. It is when the follicle (the little sack on the ovary that will release the egg) is formed. Where am I going with this Biology 101 lesson? I have no idea.

Somewhere on Day 2 or 6 or something early, I took an ovulation predictor test that I had around the house from four years ago. Anyway, it was stunningly negative. I mean, nary a hint of a line. PCOS is known for giving a low-level line all the time, so I figured if I was negative, I might actually have a shot at an ovulatory cycle this month, and I actually think I may have ovulated, but around Day 21 or 24 something. That would be late, so I guess I wait to see if I have a period by Day 35 or so, and if not, I freak out and hyperventilate until I test.

Oh, and crazy thing...I am trying to get pregnant by having sex with my husband without consultation of ovulation predictor tests, doctors, blood draws, ultrasounds, drugs, or even, wine. If we do get pregnant this way, it will feel like cheating. It will have been too easy. Weird, huh?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A million little things

I've been writing blog posts in my head for two weeks and now that I have a free minute, I cannot for the life of me remember what I wrote, but trust me, it was good.

  1. I think I may have had some minor depression back in the spring (OK, no maybe and probably not minor). I've had it before and it usually breaks before I actually go off of the deep end. I think I am better now. I like my husband again. I no longer blame him for all the evils in the world (I mean, he wasn't even in San Diego when it caught on fire). I always did have immense love and affection for my son even at the worst of it. Amazing power of a mom, I guess. But, I am enjoying my son (most days) now. I think the depression lifted in June, maybe. But, I've been a lot better since we all recovered from salmonella. Since then, I've been good.
  2. I don't know how to phrase this. I complain about how hard being a mom is. I complain a fair amount, if by fair you mean a lot. But, know that I love my son and I derive great pleasure watching him grow into a real person. Example: I asked him to tell me a story the other morning. This is approximately what he told me: "Three little pigs were walking in the forest, but grandma wasn't there. A fox ate her. Then, she went home to her house all by herself." The End. So, I love him and think he is a genius, plus he does things that are so cute, it makes your uterus ache. Example: He lined up a really big bear, a medium-large bear, and his teddy bear and called them Mommy, Daddy, and Chuckles bears. Then he said that made it a Family. Oh, my uterus aches, it's so cute. Then he threw another bear into the mix and then he brought in Snoopy, so we just decided it must be our cat, who has been gone over a year now. Anyway, the point to all this is I love my son, and I am throwing my hat back into the baby-making ring. I tossed out my pills three weeks ago. I am infertile, so this is not as monumentous as, say, a fertile person doing this, but it is symbolic nonetheless. We are probably not going to go the medical route, we'll just see what happens. And so far, what has happened? Zits. Lots of icky, white-headed zits on my cheeks.
  3. I went to the dentist. Look ma, no cavities.
  4. I applied for a passport. The website assures me that they have already put it into the return mail for me. Now, I can travel to Canada for work. Woo Hoo.
  5. I bought really cute tourqoise and lime green striped sheets for the big boy bed that is slowly making its way into Chuckles's room. He's such a marginal sleeper, we are not planning on pushing anything. We'll just set it up and see what happens, some day. We're in no hurry. The bed (and two dressers) for Chuckles's room were Mr. Long-Suffering's when he was a boy (and they were his uncles' before that) so it's no big deal really.
  6. Chuckles is almost completely daytime potty trained. No diapers from morning until bed for the last week or so and only and accident or two when no one was paying attention to him. All poopy in the potty though. And most pee. Standing. Which is fun, since the aim is not so good. The Clorox wipes are close at hand. No biggee.
  7. There's this new show on TV called "Chuck". I like it. And hubby likes it too. Hot girls who fight. A computer geek who went to Stanford. Unrequited love. The longing. Humor and action. What's not to like? Go watch this's hysterical. Ok, that clip wasn't actually hysterical, but there were laughs. And guns. Watch the show. It's not on too late. I've given up on shows that are on too late.
  8. Sometimes, I feel like my life is just an extended jam session version of Office Space. Please keep this in mind when I am at work over the weekend. Something about needing weekend coverage to handle issues within 24 or 48 hours of when they occur. Dang!
  9. One of the odd symptom of our recent cold illness was gluteal pain. All three of us had it and that was weird. I had no idea what Chuckles meant when he said his butt hurt until three days later when my ass was tender. Like Pilates class tender. And sitting on hard plastic chairs. Talk about it being a pain in your ass.
  10. When I moved from Ohio some 4.5 years ago, a moving company came and packed up all our stuff and brought it here for us. In all that stuff, there was a large bag full of smaller bags. A bag of bags, if you will. Anyway, I pulled one out the other day to line the garbage can in the bathroom and it said Akron Boo at the Zoo 2002 (and it rhymed so well, I got a chuckle). That is all.
  11. I got three new tires to go with the one new tire I got already (twice). The guy at the tire place found some major problems with the linkages (which is actually one of the repairs we passed on earlier this year when the car died and I discovered sitting in the car for nap time). So, all-in-all, I think with groceries, a trip to Boo at the Brookfield Zoo, a trip to Costco, and the car repairs, I spent about $1500 this weekend. There I go and get a job and the next thing you know, I am spending money like it's going out of style.
  12. Speaking of style, I miss shoulder pads. Not the big ones, just the nice ones to offset my hips. Speaking of my hips, did you see the study about how a mother's hip measurements help determine her daughter's breast cancer risk? I will paraphrase for you: "The findings showed that women had three times higher risks of breast cancer if their mother had wide hips and seven times higher risks if they happened to be a second or third child." So, huh, not only are my hips no good for birthing babies, but should I ever have a daughter, she might get cancer, because damn, if I'm not hippy.
  13. My sister went to Sea World in San Diego over the weekend. She's back at her home now and is safe. Whew.
  14. Fred Thompson, please be as good as I hope you are.
  15. I can't think of anything else this very second, so be well, and Jamington, I am thinking of you.


Not the radio station (which in this market is Jack FM), but the level of the fever that sent us to Urgent Care two weeks ago. Chuckles is mostly better now as are Mr. Long-Suffering and I. The adults got sinus infections, the kid wound up with a barking cough, but we're on the mend. Just in time for a big MRSA outbreak. The day care sent home a flyer today on their disinfection program and a reminder of their illness policy.
While Chuckles was sick, he was out of school three days (plus two days for the weekend). I have been working six weeks, and I have already called off once. Am model employee. Mr. L-S took off Monday and Tuesday but he had something important at work on Wednesday so I stayed home because Chuckles was still quite ill and we didn't want to expose the grandparents.
But, we're mostly back to normal, so no harm-no foul.

As promised

Just notice how far away from my body the sweatshirt hangs. I think the boy was born a day or two after this picture was taken.

This photo here of a tiny baby being mauled by an enormous boob reminds me of so many body is covered in moles, nursing breasts are one of nature's cruelest jokes (oh yes, they are big and no you cannot touch them), my son (MY SON) had a shock of black hair at birth and it smelled greasy greasy greasy, his cheeks were really red too, once upon a time, I had long nails. But, yes, here is one of the few pictures of me nursing. It's funny, but I spent a lot (A LOT) of time nursing and there really aren't many pictures of it at all. And that;s kind of sad.

Friday, October 05, 2007

PCOS and obesity

So PCOS and obesity go hand-in-hand. They're like those two little naked kids from Love Is....

I am not obese. But, I am not some waif-like stick figure. I have a point with my weight where I can sit with very little effort, but almost any false move can tip me back up. Fortunately, I usually keep pretty close track of such things and nip it in the bud before I need to nip it in the butt. But, I slid since I have started working. There is the mocha coffee and the Twix bars and the free donuts from vendors on Wednesdays...and well, ten pounds snuck on in a month. That's not good. So I am consciously on a food reduction trip for a couple of days here to get back down to the comfy place. And I am not happy about it one bit. I still had some Twix bars this week, but no mocha (stupid broken coffee machine at work helped with that) and no donuts and I skipped dessert after dinner 4 of 5 nights (but that 5th night was sooooo good). Si, I am going to go upstairs for a moment of scale truth. I'll let you know what I find.

Last Saturday, first thing in the morning, I was 160#.
Friday night after a full day, I am 158#.

So, at this rate, I can lose it as fast as I put it on. I'll let you know. I think I am going to start taking vitamins just so that I know I am getting enough (even though I am still eating plenty of food and calories...probably 1800/day most days).

Odd thing about work

There is another manufacturing facility inside our gate and they share our locker rooms. It's quite odd. They are a competitor and once upon a time, some equipment in our building was sold to them and they didn't move it (and we didn't require that they do so). So, here we are, in the bathroom with competitors. Very strange. I don't think it violates any anti-trust things provided you don't scream out trade secrets and pricing philosophy while on the john.

Let's talk about money

Money is something I did not have as a kid, but I guess I didn't realize it because no one else had any either. There were families with more kids who got less and families with fewer kids who got more, but the families basically all evened out.

Until we moved to a better school district...and the kids had Guess? jeans and Benneton sweatshirts and straight hair with no bangs instead of the big hair with big bangs we had where I was from. And then, the kids had cars. Their cars were nicer than the teachers' cars. My sister drove a 1973 Chevy Impala in 1989. It got from A to B and could carry her 25 closest friends. She would have been laughed out of the parking lot at my high school. Few kids had after-school jobs and most spent money for prom and things. I spent money too, but it was money I earned by working 20 hours/week. When AP exams were offer at $72 apiece, I wondered how I could possibly afford them (I needed like 7 my senior year).

When I got out of (very well-granted) college with some debt, I freaked out. I did not want to be my mom. She's a good lady but not the best with money and numbers. So, I quickly paid off my student loans and saved up a down payment for a house (which I bought right before my 23rd birthday). My husband and I both make nice salaries. I mean, we're not pharmacists, but we do just fine. We live in a nice community with reasonably priced homes and good schools. We save. But, really, we don't have to worry. Even when I wasn't working, we had plenty, though certainly not what we have now. When I said things got tight, I should have added that there was no money left at the end of the month after paying all our bills and fully contributing to our savings.
So, even if something bad happens, we'll be OK with money. But, what do we teach our son? I already know the rule for in the store. If I say, "no" and he continues to pester, I will just add, "We don't argue over money." But, this strategy can only last so long. Some day, he'll be 12, and I will need to teach him about money and responsibility and I want to instill in him a little fear of not having enough some day, just so he knows and feels how important saving is. He will never know not having a need fulfilled. I will never ask to borrow $20 until pay day. He will never know any sort of real deprivation. How do I make him frugal?

Monday, October 01, 2007

I tried

I just tried to post pictures of me as a 9-months pregnant hippopotamus and one-day post-partum attempting to nurse a teeny weeny baby on an enormous, engorged teat, but blogger keeps crashing mid-download, so trust me on two things:
  1. By 9.5 months, I was so large, I was unable to reach my own nether parts to cleanse myself properly after using the facilities. I tried around front, around back, leaning to the side, throwing paper at it from the corners, and so on, but I just couldn't reach. Eventually, I just decided I'd fix it up in the shower.
  2. You might think your breasts are large, but oh, ho ho, they are NOT big until you actually fear your H-cup will suffocate your child, whose head circumference was 14" and yet looks surprisingly small in comparison to your, ahem, motherly orb.