Two photos, one story

So, I'm pregnant. 39 weeks today, as a matter of fact. This photo here was taken at about 37 weeks when I started swelling. I had to wear shorts with my pressure stockings because otherwise I was too hot. As for why I had to wear plaid shorts with a striped top while wearing anti-embolism stockings, I cannot tell you, but see also, I'm pregnant. And as for why my husband felt the need to take a picture, well, he's a gem. My embarassment is your gain.

The next photo can be filed under "Pregnant Women Do Stupid Things". After looking at the above photo with my ill-advised short hair, I noticed that when they cut all my hair off, they took off all the sun-lightened blonde parts. Then, I remembered that on Monday, people will take a lot of pictures of me. Sure, I won't be the star of the pictures, but I'll be in them, and I will see them for the rest of my life. So, on a stupid, stupid whim, I decided to frost/highlight/tip my hair. I spent a very long time pulling my hair through a bonnet, or cap. Here's a tip...have a friend do it for you because figuring out how to use the hook in a three-way mirror to get the back of your hair is a bitch. Also, if you are pregnant, do not do it.

So, after an hour of pulling my hair through (hint, the hook part faces down toward your skull), I put the peroxide mixture on, put a plastic bag over that mess and went to wrap Christmas presents. I glanced up into the mirror a while later and let out an audible eff-you-see-kay (if you know what I mean). I was reverse skunked, but the light parts were the color of straw. I washed the whole concoction out and then proceeded to shower while consoling myself with the fact that it would only be a week before I could do corrective coloring. I called a friend. She laughed (rightly) at me. What kind of person frosts her hair for the first-time ever while hugely pregnant? A stupid one, that's what kind. So, this very good friend caught her breath long enough to ask me to cough, laugh, cough, take a picture. So, I moussed and blow dried and came up with this.

And really, it's not that bad. Do you even think my husband will notice?