Friday, March 26, 2010

This Loss is Your Gain

I was over at Julia's Blog trying to post a comment about a drunken escapade, but the comment functionality wasn't working, so I've copied my comment here. Their loss is your gain.

I was about 4 months pregnant with my first when we had to fly to DC for the wedding of one of dummy dope's friends. He was an usher in the wedding. Our rental car was missing and they assigned us a minivan that I had to drive out to Tysons Corners without a map.

Anyway, after the wedding came the reception as was the custom in my day. They had an amazing open bar at the reception (of which I could not partake). The lot of them got drunk and as the designated driver, I was in charge of getting our group back to the hotel.

I got them in to the parking garage which was supposed to close 15 minutes after the end of the reception. One woman who was having her first night out wihtout the baby evening started laughing at midnight and didn't shut up for an hour.
One enebriated woman started laughing at woman #1 and then couldn't stop. It was hilarity solidarity.

One guy wandered off of the elevator in the parking garage and onto a level where the lights were off. THe doors closed before we could get him back in the elevator and by the time we got back down there he had wandered quite a distance away and perilously close to the edge. All the while the giggle twins were laughing.

My husband wanted to find the minivan but couldn't figure out where it was and which key worked (fortunately none of them since I had confiscated the keys). I eventually got all of them in the mini-van. None of them were sober enough to figure out how to flip-n-fold the seats to get to the third row, so the skinniest of them (who were not necessarily the most sober) decided to go over the top of the middle row seat. And the giggle twins just kept laughing.

At this point I had been awake for 20 hours and was experiencing a wee bit of pregnancy narcolepsy. I have no idea how many people were in the minivan (8, maybe) and I'm driving in DC without a map but it's OK because one of the groomsmen tells me he know the way back to the hotel. Well, he's leaning up against this tiny little minivan window trying to figure out whether he could vomit through a straw and get it out the window. (answer: no)

I got them all back. I left giggle twin #1 in her dress in the bath tub of her hotel room with her husband fixated on finding the ice machine so he could make high ball cocktails.

Giggle twin #2 was left without her dress in her bed with the garbage can at bedside just in case. Her husband was on the bathroom floor.

My husband was trying to help husband #1 find ice but not for high balls. He wanted an Old Fashioned. A brrrrraaaaaandy Old Fashioned.

And the guy with the straw couldn't remember his room number so I had to take him and his wife to the front desk to get a new key for them.

The next morning at the free breakfast buffet, I was happily having my revenge as I kept offering people greasy bacon with orange juice, biscuits and gravy, drippy chunks of watermelon, etc. I haven't laughed that much in years.

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