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My husband sent me flowers at work for my birthday (and I guess for Valentine's Day too). It is terribly embarrassing to be new on the job and get flowers. If I'd been there for years, it'd be OK since I'd be all "Look at what I got" but as the new person it's just embarrassing. Oh well. I guess it doesn't matter since I am quitting my job anyway. Speaking of which, I have very complex feelings about this whole quitting thing.

For starters, I think I resent my husband. That's normal, right? Also, he doesn't want me to be a stay-at-home mom. He wants me to get a job. Well, I have a job and he's making me quit that, so I figure I don't need to get a new job. My husband announced to his family that we weren't moving and all anyone wanted to know was whether we were having another baby. I told them Mr. L-S promised me a new cat. Yay. I get a new cat, and I get to stay home with Chuckles, who will only nap for me by going for a car ride...this ought to be fun.

I'm very weepy. Even more weepy than I have been. I'm just so conflicted. Work is fine. The job is good, even. They like me. I do a good job. But, keeping the job would mean an absolutely horrible personal family life. Just terrible. And at a certain point, I am pretty sure one of us would file for divorce. And I imagine the husband would win custody of the boy since I abandoned teh marital home. It's just so unfair. I didn't abandon them on purpose. They were supposed to come too until Mr. L-S whelched on his promise. Bastard. But I love him, don't get me wrong. I just think eveyrthing that he has done has been completely unfair to me (and a little stupid). It's like he's not even in touch with his gosh-darned feelings (stupid manly man). Oh well. My bed is made and I guess I am in it since ...whatever. I just feel so trapped and like I'm not even in control of my own life (which is spiraling out of control) and that is not a place I want to be.