Why did I read that?

I just went back and read some of my awful posts from July. Why? I get a knot in my stomach just thinking about it, but for some reason, every few weeks, I go back and read it again and again. I think I'm either a glutton or a sadist. Or both. I am so glad 2007 is coming to a close. I hope 2008 is better.

Speaking of 2008, I went to Target today to buy my Christmas cards for next year. 50% off, baby. Anyway, I bought photo holder cards again and I hope. hope hope hope, that next year's picture is Chuckles sitting in a chair with a cheesy smile with some kind of tiny baby half schlumped over next to him. Maybe wearing a Santa hat.

Bodily Fluids

Warning: Do not read this post if you are squeamish or eating.


During the previous 24 hours, I have cleaned up the following fluids:

• pee (dripped off of small one as he spun around after peeing on the potty)
• poop (same small person had a very loose bowel movement that...well, I'm sure you can imagine)
• Spittle (small person learned how to make "zerpies" at me...you know, zerpies, like razzberries but without my belly involved)
• snot (for the love of god, don't wipe your nose on the couch, use your sleeve or a tissue)
• vomit (good morning, mommy, cough-cough-bleck)
• and blood (after my shower, I was toweling off and icked on the floor)

I know I am lucky and everyting to have my husband (whom I love once again) and my son (who is my sole reason for carrying on every day), but some days, I'd like a maid.

Dinner Menu

I know you all like it when I tell you what's on the table around here.

For breakfast, we had scrambled eggs with stuff (onions, tomatoes, ham, cheese), bananas, egg nog, and Emergen-C.

Lunch was PB&J sandwiches with clementines and milk.

For dinner, I am making a homemade loaf of wheat bread which should still be warm come dinner. I'll be serving it with dipping sauce (parmesan, balsamic, olive oil, spices). And I am making a beef stew: 7-bone roast that I butchered off the bone myself, carrots, celery, veggie stock, shi-itake mushrooms, onions, garlic, oregano, black beans, cannelini beans, green beans, wild rice, and tomatoes from my garden (frozen back at the harvest). It smells divine. I should throw some wine in with it, but uhhhh, I think I drank it.

Speaking of drinking wine....I find it immensely funny when I wash my prenatal vitamins down with red wine while eating soft cheeses (and feta with kalamata olives). It's the imagery that does it for me.

The Personal is Political

So, from time-to-time, I cover the Presidential Race. I've looked at Hillary, Guiliani, Thompson, Huckabee, I think Romney, and Kucinich. Or maybe I didn't cover Kucinich. Maybe the Weekly World Alien News Service covered him. Hard to remember. Anyway, today we'll look at two long-shot candidates. Ron Paul and Richardson (who is such a long-shot I need to google his name to get the first name. I'll do him second).

Ron Paul - Ran as a Libertarian a few years back. I'm a closet Libertarian, so already I like him. Although, I do tend to be a little Hawkish on foreign policy and he is non-interventionist. He's OK. He's pro-low tax (Yipee) and pro-business (woo hoo) and anti-federal government and anti-nationalized health care (I mean, do you think our Federal Government would insure my infertility better than my private insurance?...I think not...unless powerful big interest were involved...because you know, embryos are involved in some of this stuff), pro-home schooling (I love home schooling), pro-Life (but doesn't want to legislate it), but he's anti-war (I mean, we all are anti-war, but he's anti-this war and while I'm not exactly pro-war, we're there and we can't just leave, the surge is working, so we need to stay the course, the soldiers on the ground overwhelmingly feel like they're doing good work). So, all-in-all, Ron Paul gets a thumbs-up from me. He has a snowball's chance though. Maybe someone will pick him to run as the VP.

Bill Richardson - One of the issues in his platform (they all have little ISSUES menus where you can go and find out their actual position on an issue) is LGBT which is pretty neat. I haven't seen that as an issue on anyone else's official campaign website. For the record, he is pro-rights for LGBT persons. Oh by the way, Bill RIchardson is a minority. He's Hispanic. Apparently, people forget that when Obama is in the room. 'Hey, I'm an underrepresented minority over here.' He's from New Mexico and a Democrat. He wants to uphold Roe v. Wade. He's on the side of America's working families (this sentence makes me laugh because i want to see the candidate who proclaims that he (or she) is NOT on the side of America's working families and is firmly and squarely in the pocket of big business or Big Pharma). He also has a Issue called Darfur. He's anti-genocide. I don't like him though because he raised the minimum wage while governor of NM. I am anti-minimum wage. I believe that a job pays what a job is worth. I'm funny like that. And when he talks about education, he talks about working hard ofr teachers. SHouldn't he really be working hard for students and not beholden to the teachers' unions? He's also anti-Bankruptcy reform. I'm not. I'm harsh like that. I guess that's why he's a democrat and I am a Libertarian.

I urge you to go out and research your favorite candidates. It's quite easy. They all have webpages with Issues Links and you can find your favorite issue and research who has the best positions for you.

Check our Kucinich, he's wacky.

Julia's Babies are Here!

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Julia had a boy and a girl.

Google is Really Weird

I found a website today while googling something like "my oh my but progesterone is expensive and where is the pregnyl?".

The website is http://prescriptionrxmedicinepharmacy.com/?gclid=CMSvxYupzJACFRXOIgod8BMWXg

They offer the following convenient services:

Our order process could not be simpler, just select the medicines you need, fill
in our medical questionnaire, and submit your order. Our U.S Licensed Physicians
will review your order and issue your prescription. Next, our U.S. Licensed
Pharmacies will dispense, and FedEx your order discreetly using Next day
delivery.

So, you can say you have trouble getting it to stay up, and they send you Levitra or something. So, I can tell them I have lots of sex and no baby and they send me what, a baby? No, no, no. But do I need to tell them exactly what I want? Like 75 mg clomiphene on cd3 through cd7 and 200 mg gynodiol on cd8 through 18. 10,000 iu pregnyl on day 20 and 200 mg prochieve on cd 21 through 30. I mean, how specific do you need to be? OH MY! They have painkillers too. So, if I get a negative hpt and want to drown my sorrows, I can go back and get some valium or something. Interesting. Doesn't quite seem legit though, you know what I mean?!?

Crafty is as Crafty Does

To celebrate my newfound fertility (you know, the semi-regular cycling kind), I offer you the following craft:

Maxi-Pad and Tampon Christmas Tree Angels

1. Locate a maxipad with wings, preferably the extra-long overnight kind.
2. Find a tampon. One with a white rip cord works best.
3. Get a white, silver, gold, or sparkly pipe cleaner.
4. On permanent marker.
5. Remove tampon from wrapper and applicator, if present.
6. Remove paper backing from pad (but not from wings).
7. Fold wings out to the sides.
8. Stick tampon to the pad using the adhesive strip.
9. Use Tampon string to stick straight up (keep it straight up with the pipe cleaner).
10. Fashion the end of the string and the pipe cleaner into a halo.
11. Draw face on the tampon.
12. You now have a be-haloed angel with wings and a smiling face.
13. Ta-da. Hang on tree.
14. Stand back and admire your craftiness.

What Age?

I think 2.5 years old is the perfect age for a kid to learn about quid pro quo, or bribery as I like to call it.

• If you eat three more beans, you can have a cookie.
• If you leave school and come with me quietly, your Tow Mater is in the car.
• If you remember to say 'please' and 'thank you', you get more Christmas presents.
• Open your mouth wide while I brush your teeth and you won't get cavities.
• Sleep through the night and I will play with you tomorrow.

OK, so it's not bribery per se, it's more like an elaborate reward system for doing what I want.

Best. Christmas. Ever.

A quick recap of Christmas...

Chuckles's best present from his Grandma and Grandpa: a tool box from Menards filled with small cars and trucks.
What Chuckles got in his stocking: two cars, a clementine, and a small block of cheese (traditions).

My two favorite...no three favorite....presents: a gift cert for a massage, hub caps/covers (because I drive a ghetto-mobile that lost 3 of the four already....they just break off), and four packages of Pond's Clean Sweep Facial Cloths (I love them....they even clean make up off of the counter if you happen to spill it on your brand new counter/sink combo)

Husband: Simpson's movie (which I bought the day it came out), a remote controlled helicopter, a remote-controlled hovercraft and it truly was his best Christmas ever as he specifically mentioned that he received no clothes! And I got him a gift cert for a complete auto detail and hand wax job (which sounds dirty but it actually very clean)

Coolest present I got someone else: a key chain digital picture frame thing. Only like $25 at amazon and it holds 60 pictures and I preloaded it with pictures and charged the batteries so it was ready to roll on Christmas morning.

Most thoughtful present: I printed some Great-Grandpa pictures on my husband's side and framed them for my FIL side-by-side with pictures of Chuckles looking almost exactly the same. I think it almost brought tears to his eyes to see his dad side-by-side with his grandson (with their hats both cocked just so). And I did them all in black-and-white to make the comparison even better and put them in a black frame.

Sad, but not at all unexpected

Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today. Not a surprise. I hope that the (free, fair) elections continue as scheduled and are truly free and fair.

Cycle Day 1: The Dawn of a New Cycle

Well, it's official. I am not pregnant. And I am bleeding. And while I am somewhat disappointed, I am just fine. My cycle, for those of you keeping score at home, was 29 days-long. That's surprisingly normal. But, the luteal phase was short - even with progesterone supplementation (and it only took 36 hours after cessation of progesterone for my menses to begin, so I really do have a progesterone deficiency).

I called my doctor's office to see what to do, but apparently, they are out today and tomorrow (and the weekend), and Mondays are busy and Tuesday's a holiday, so I guess we're done until Wednesday. I suppose that means I just continue as I have been doing. I thought they might want to order some Day 3 bloodwork just to see where I am (or perhaps at my harping insistence try me on a low-dose clomid regimen this month). My insurance doesn't cover any of this, so I guess it's better that we wait until 2008. I am upping my HCRA considerably.

I love the sound of a vaccuum cleaner taking money out of my wallet. Perhaps I should quit my new job and go work in Illinois where infertility is covered. Or just keep my job and use all my salary for drugs and blood tests and visits with the wand monkey. Ahhh, the wand monkey. I haven't thought about that in years!

Positive but Negative

Merry Christmas (or Happy December 24th, if you don't celebrate this particular holiday). I am filled with Tidings of Comfort and Joy. I am not, however, filled with future life. I took the test this morning and rarely have I seen a hpt so resoundingly negative. And that's OK. If the worst thing that ever happens to me in this life is that I raise Chuckles as my one and only child, then life is good. And thinking that thought actually makes me tear up. He really is that good. Apparently, I can tear up at the drop of a hat. But c'mon, Peter came home for Christmas to surprise his mom AND made the coffee.

So, anyway, that's where we are. And to celebrate my barrenness, I had three glasses of champagne with brunch. Joy to the World.

Most of the family (both sides) came over for brunch today. I made my easy and famous French Toast casserole (which had some odd spots of not-tasty in it this time). There was coffee and egg nog and champagne and orange juice and milk for the kiddies and cookies and casserole and Denver omelette casserole and we opened some presents. Everyone got one present (except Chuckles who got 3 pairs of shoes, one outfit, some Cars stuff and some trucks!) to open (and one present which required adult assembly and then just shot marbles at us all but that was fun too). And it was laid-back and fun and not at all annoying as some holidays are.

Have I given a strenuous reccommendation for Ann Douglas's the mother of all pregnancy books? If not, I am doing so now. I am reading and re-reading the sections on "your pre-game plan", "sperm, meet egg", and "missed conceptions". Fascinating stuff. Really stellar.

Oh fascinating nugget: women with short follicular phases tend to have boys and those with long follicular phases have girls. So you are ever-so-sligthly more likely to have a boy if you ovulate before Day 14 and ever-so-slightly more likely to have a girl if you ovulate after Day 14. Now, those four or five times in my life I have ever ovulated were all after Day 14, and I have a son, so take this info with a large grain of ever-so-slightly salt.

Love,
SarcastiCarrie
And PS - Yes, I might in fact be drunk-blogging...maybe tipsy blogging is more accurate.

Full of Joy

I send a lot of Christmas cards, and consequently, I get a lot of Christmas cards. You may even have sent me one.

There is one card I got, though, that is my favorite. It's not because it had the cutest picture, although it was cute. And it's not because it was handmade, which it was. It's not because it had a lengthy verse of scripture which I skipped over to get to the hand-written note, but it did have that and I did skip over it. It's not because it had a gift or a witty newsletter, as it had neither. This card simply filled me with Joy.

Do you remember back in the Spring, when I told you about some friends who had a baby right before Thanksgiving last year? If not, go refresh your memory. Anyway, they had a son who only lived five hours. It was very hard on them, as you might imagine. But they are strong people. Good people. They are better people than I.

There, on the front of their Christmas card, they are smiling. Not just smiles, but big broad smiles. Joyful smiles. Smiles that prove that no matter what the past has dealt them, they are persevering. And expecting a baby in March. A girl. And I teared up just a little thinking about how happy I am for them.

Life is Not Fair

Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant, and I am not.

I am not jealous, per se, as I do not want her child, but you know, she does not want her child either, so there you have it.

Oh, and her mother never thought little Jamie would get pregnant because she was never late for curfew!!! Does that woman know where babies come from?

I'm a Liar

I think I wrote the wrong cycle days on my ovulation journal. Whoops. There were four days with surge. Same idea though.

Also, I know what I said about tossing birth control and just seeing what happens, but eh, I'm me. I like to control. Plus I know too much. After the very first cycle with no birth control, I knew something wasn't right. I noticed my fertile signs and then shortly thereafter, my period hit which told me my luteal phase was too short. So, It was less than a month to my annual exam and we talked it over and it was confirmed and another month happened and still another short luteal phase so here I am with my progesterone and my pee sticks and none of this is looking like seeing what happens. For Pete's sake, I've been bidding on Clear Blue Easy ClearPlan Fertility Monitors on ebay. I refuse to pay more than $30 (shipping included) for a fertility monitor, so I suppose I will never actually win one. Oh well. I guess I will just see what happens. And I've been looking at buying bulk OPK sticks and pregnancy tests from amazon. Bulk! I'm looking into buying a gross of pee sticks. I am sicksicksick.

So, I lie. I lie to you and myself when I say I am just seeing what happens. It's so easy to think that when here I sit cycling somewhat regularly, which is a far cry from anything I have ever done in the past.

And my husband is remodeling our downstairs bathroom and right now he is standing on my son's potty chair to hang a light fixture. I need something else to obsess about other than the fact that ten are coming for brunch on Christmas Eve morning and my bathroom is a leetle teensy weensy bit unusable.

Fun with Science

OK, so I mentioned that I have little pee sticks upon which I, obviously, pee. Every day. To detect ovulation (which part of me highly suspects I do not do, evidence to the contrary notwithstanding).

Here is my OPK journal for this cycle. I had, ahem, marital relations with my husband on cycle days CD16, CD18, CD19, and CD20. I started progesterone supplementation on CD20 PM. I ruined my plastic party tumbler on CD21 in the morning when the greasiness from the progesterone got on it and WOULD NOT WASH OFF. I think I had a surge for too many days. THat just doesn't seem quite normal to me. Peeonastick says that this is pretty unusual, although not impossible. I trust the internets. These women have vast peeing experience which I must exploit.

So, here, for your viewing pleasure is my cycle in full-color...

Fun with the photos

Baking cookies with mom.

Playing the what should be the "It" toy of the season. It's called Solving Path and is available at museumtour.com.

Frying a turkey on Thanksgiving...

Chuckles has not been napping at "school" lately. You know he's a tough one to nap. Well, even though he didn't nap on Friday, he was in a good mood, so we went out to dinner. He fell asleep at 6:30 in the car on the way home. I got him out and laid him in the living room for a while. He didn't seem to stir at all after a while, so I changed him into jammies (and a diaper) and put him to bed where he stayed until 7 am Saturday. Awesome.

The first really big snowfall of the season. As measured on a ruler in our backyard, it's 9.5" but in places it drifted to more than 2'.

Winter Wonderland

In the lane snow is glistening....

Unfortunately, that lane is supposed to be the "fast" lane on the interstate....


Saturday night, the Mr and I had Mimi come sit on the child and we went out to dinner with two other couples. We went to Pappadeaux. I got the Costa Rican tilapia, and it was excellent. Like little pieces of heaven on the plate. With capers. Anyway, apparently, while we were dining and carrying on, a big snowstorm hit Chicagoland. We got to the restaurant in just under an hour in very light snow that was melting when it hit the warm pavement, but 5.5 hours later when we left, it took 1:20 to get home and the pavement, if I could have seen it, was not longer warm. No biggie. It's not like Mimi was going to leave at midnight if we weren't home yet (which we weren't, and we brushed her car off for her, so she was happy). This morning, Chuckles did not get up until, wait, this cannot be right, 8 am!!! Anyway, we all woke up to 10" of snow. I know because I put my boots on with my pajamas and went out with a ruler and measured it. Good sight, that. Took almost 2 hours with all three of us working to clear the driveway. But we're fine and all is well.

Oh, and apparently, I had a sneak attack ovulation on Saturday. My little pee on them strips were nothing-nothing-nothing-a little something-a little more something-nothing - nothing - nothing- BAM ovulation. Crazy, I know. Friday night I had some cocktails at the Mexican restaurant and seduced my husband...my timing was impeccable (kid fell aslep in the car coming home from dinner at 6:30 pm...how else was I to spend a Friday night, then). So, now we wait. I will test on Christmas Eve morning.

To my Husband

I just want you to know that while I don't mind, laundry is not really a hobby.


Sudoku is a hobby. Cooking is a hobby. Reading is a hobby. Sewing is a hobby.

Taking cold, wet pee-soaked clothes out of bags-of-shame from daycare and washing them in scalding hot disinfecting water is not a hobby.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

The weather is calling for sleet, freezing rain, slush, ice, and frozen fog (which is FUN).

I can hardly wait.

Last week we had weather. Lots of weather. Six Inches of Snow one morning and black ice the next. And wow, am I really going through this intersection at 5 mph sideways? Whee. Did my 12 mile commute actually take me over an hour two days last week? Yes, yes it did. Was it really only 5 deg-F one morning? Yes, yes it was.

Sunday morning, the driveway was a sheet of ice. Slippery andfun. I went for a little slide down to the sidewalk, but had some trouble getting back to the top. We had to take a running start in the car.

So, Mr. Long-Suffering, who for the record really does not get to have much fun, decided to put EnergetiCat on the driveway and see what she'd do. Well, she put her claws out, got traction and hopped into the snow-covered bushes. Now that's fun! We got her back and she's fine, but I think we cured her of her escapist tendencies...for a little while at least.

A few hours later, Mr. L-S decided to play with KleptomaniaCat and the laser pointer. I really enjoyed when she started climbing the wall trying to get the red dot.

Oh, why is she KleptomaniaCat? Because she takes things out of the basement (off of L-S's tool bench) and scatters them around the house. I found conduit connectors in teh upstairs bathroom, cable ties in the nursery and wire nuts in the kitchen.

Why was my prescription not covered?

Uhhhh, because my insurance apparently doesn't cover anything vaguely related to reproductive health for women. I called the prescription drug coverage people today and they do not cover custom-compounded progesterone suppositories. And as long as I had the very-helpful woman on the phone, I asked a bunch more questions.
For the record, here is my coverage:

• Progesterone suppositories - not covered
• Progesterone gel (Crinone) - not covered
• Progesterone in oil - covered but still quite expensive (basically the copay is as much as me paying cash for the suppositories)
• Clomid (clomiphene citrate) - not covered
• Estrace (estrogen) - not covered
• hCG (pregnyl, profasi) - not covered

That's the basic cocktail I took for the seven months leading up to me getting pregnant with Chuckles. Well, except that I stayed on progesterone for 14 weeks. Ahh, good times, good times. Only back then, I had excellent coverage that covered everything with a reasonable copay.

I will be upping my HCRA for next year, I guess. And I suppose if it comes down to it, I'll need to pay cash for all the monitoring and ultrasounds and everything and I think I am feeling ill just thinking about shelling out that much money.

Oh, and I did do some comparison pricing at ivfmeds.com and drugstore.com. Even if you don't need ivf, ivfmeds has very reasonable pricing on all kinds of fertility drugs. But, my sister lives near the Mexican border, so I'm sure she could come up with something for me. She got some birth control pills there once (and hey I didn't get pregnant, so they must have been fine....oh wait, that's right, I'm infertile).

Anal Retentive

In case of nuclear holocaust, let's meet in my basement. We're good for at least a month on the food down there.

I'm having my in-laws over for dinner tonight (fajita burritos, hopefully as good as at that one restaurant we used to go to every week before we moved). I am going to make a cake for dessert. There are three boxes of yellow cake mix on my shelves (one Betty Crackpot, one duncan hines, and one pillsbury). I picked the one with the closest expiration date which is Pillsbury. Oddly, there was only one can of frosting, which means I need at least two to go with the cake I already have.

Right now, in my home, there are no less than 30 boxes of cereal. It's an addiction really. I have 12 large cans of diced tomatoes (you like chili, right?). I have a flat of cream soups and another flat of canned mushrooms. I have an instutional sized can of fruit cocktail. I have over 700 ounces of laundry detergent. I easily have 15 pounds of beef. I would not be surprised to learn that I have 20 pounds of frozen vegetables. I have 12 pounds of sugar and 15 pounds of flour (in three or more varieties: unbleached all-purpose, cake, whole wheat, and bread flour). I have five tubs of oatmeal.

I have at least 20 liters of pop, which we do not drink but have just in case company comes over (which they never do). I have six bags of chips, which is a two-month supply if not more. The chips are in addition to Fritos, pretzels, crackers, crisps, and other snack-y foods.

I am now going to get all philosophical about why I do this. Sure, I do a lot of cooking and we eat most of our meals at home, and it is the rare occasion that something goes bad and I need to discard it. But, when I was growing up, we didn't always have food. OK, that's not true. I suppose I was never in danger of going hungry, but we did sometimes have to wait until payday to have milk (and cereal with water is gross). And sometimes there wasn't anything normal to eat. I have a vivid memory of eating seasoned breadcrumbs one day for a snack. And my mother used to complain bitterly about the price of two of the things I liked (and still do like) best: fresh fruit and cereal (never did I see her complain about the price of cigarettes, switch to generics, or wait until payday for them, but I digress*). With the internets as my witness, Chuckles will never have to eat breadcrumbs. Now if he wants to eat them, that's a different story.

* - For the record, Mimi is now a doting and loving grandmother whose financial situation is quite a bit better. And she quit smoking. Good for her.

Words that have come out of my mouth that, I swear, are not my own

• Sit down before you fall down.
• Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
• I have a hankerin' for some spankerin'. **
• What's the magic word?
• If you're not crying, you're not learning. **
• Every time I'd see that blueberry stain, I'd be reminded of what a bad little boy you were and that would make me sad.*

* - This one caused crying, so I thought I should tone the language down a little.

** - Not mine, my husband's channeling his own father.

Things That Make Me Angry: Part 82

• Traffic
• People who think Christmas is about the gifts
• Traffic
• Black Ice
• Red Light Cameras
• Cloudy Skies
• My insurance, which is actually quite good, did not cover my prescription, which was filled at a totally far pharmacy because (A) Walgreen's in not on my insurance any longer and (B) that's a moot point because they don't carry it at any of my local Walgreen's anyway.
• The prescription for which I paid cash shorted me one bullet. Perhaps my math is wrong, but "insert one vaginal suppository on cycles days 20 through 28" tells me that I need 9 bullets to complete that action. I received 8. So, I paid $30 for 8 suppositories of a drug (progesterone) I know is not expensive. That's almost $4 per day I will be paying for this. And no, honestly $30 is not a ton of money, but if it takes us an average length of time to get pregnant, which according to Ann Douglas's The Mother of All Pregnancy Books, which is like the Bible would be to me if I were christian, is 6.7 to 10 months in the early 30s, then we are looking at, perhaps, $300 in drugs, assuming we don't even need anything other than the progesterone, which when I think about it is not bloody likely.
• I will call the insurance tomorrow to find out whether I need to mail order this, because even if I do get pregnant, I will be on supplemental progesterone until week 13 or 14 because if you need it to get pregnant, you need it to stay pregnant according to my awesome Nurse.

I will now recreate the chart in the book because it's good:

Odds that you will conceive any given month

(1)early 20s: 20-25%, (2)Late 20s: 15-20%, (3)Early 30s: 10-15%, (4)Late 30s: 8.3-10%

Average # of months it takes to conceive:

1: 1-5 months, 2: 5-6.7 mos, 3: 6.7-10 mos, 4: 10-12 mos

% of people who are pregnant within a year

1: 93-97%, 2: 86-93%, 3: 72-86%, 4: 65-72%

Last time I had a baby, I was in my late 20s. It took me 13 months (7 cycles with help). It looks like I'm on the wrong end of the stats, here. And my chances are apparently worse now. Although with two months of spontaneous ovulation, things actually look up. I continue to pee on sticks every day. There is a line starting to form, but considering its already Cycle Day 11, it's still pretty light. I think I ovulated on CD17 to 21, the last two months, so I have plenty of time (and plenty of little pee sticks left).

Icky News

As my profile says that I am up on current events, I will now mention the following, just to prove it.

• Earthquake in Bali during summit.
• Stacy Peterson married a man who had been married three times before and who was 20+ years her senior. And now she's (probably) dead. And her husband is smiling on TV every day and the paprazzi are camped out outside his house.
• A man shot and killed his ex-wife in front of their two kids a few miles from my home. They were in a public place exchanging custody of the kids. Then he killed himself.
• That shooting rampage in a mall: Ick.
• Traffic so bad my eyes bleed (hours wasted in car not getting anyone to sleep)
• Obama & Oprah bonded over having funny names that start with O
• Two Words, America: Chuck Norris
• and on a lighter note, The Mom Song (love it)

Why worry?

I wondered whether we should do a whole family picture on Santa's lap and whether we only get one picture and blah blah blah. Well, it turns out it was all a moot point as Chuckles would not sit on the jolly fat man's lap all by himself, nor would he sit on the chair next to Santa all by himself.

Daddy had to hold him near Santa and DING is in the picture and so is Mommy and if you look really closely, you will see a tear too (and the wall on either side of hte blue backdrop). We even went back to the back of the line after making it to the front of the line so we could watch more kids do this and get more used to the idea, but no go. And we did end up getting two pictures. In the other picture (which was vertical), my body was cut off and I am just a smiling, floating, disembodied head. Talk about your nightmare before christmas!

Work-Life Balance

My work and my life are not balanced, but they co-exist in semi-overlapping spheres.

Saturday, I needed to do some work, but I didn't want to go in to the plant. I needed to meet one of the traveling guys and get some samples of failed material, but he lived closer to me than either of us lived to the plant, so we met at McDonald's. And I brought CHuckles and Mr. Long-Suffering with me (we were right next door doing some shopping and it seemed silly to go all the way home when this was only going to take 20 minutes).

Chuckles sat at the counter on a stool and drank milk through a straw (which was the highlight of his week based on the number of times I have heard this story) while I sat at the next table and talked business. All went well until Chuckles needed to potty and only mommy was allowed to take him. Excuse self from table, take child potty, enter back into the work conversation. My husband and the guy chatted while I was gone, they knew some people in common. All was well. The men in my industry tend to be a little older than my own father and so often have working mom daughters and usually feel sorry for me and think I'm doing OK. And I am.

Late Breaking Addition to Things that Make a 5th Grader Laugh

From caramama: Poop Deck

Anal Retentive

I sent out my Christmas cards, but I was not first. Dang. I've gotten two cards already. I'm always first. Oh, slippping. Off my game.


Oh, but at 8 am Saturday morning, we have tickets to see Santa, for free. Woo Hoo. Should we do a whole family picture or just Chuckles? Pictures are free, but I think we only get one.

Lying Liars and the Lies they tell

Osco lies. I called Casa Sarcastic's resident pharmacist, Banjo, and she says that she and her female pharmacist counterparts all play with progesterone (with gloves or something). She said they just didn't want to do it. That's what I thought.

I also talked to my doctor's office today and they said there was only one pharmacy in teh area that has progesterone suppositories, Walgreen's at the corner of major street and far away major street. I disagree as I know of at least two other pharmacies closer where I can get them and that are not Walgreens who will no longer honor my prescription drug coverage.

Speaking of which, I have no idea whether my insurance will cover this as it could be consiered a fertility drug and I am pretty sure my insurance doesn't cover that now. Very disappointing. To get Chuckles, my insurance covered everything, and it was great. I never ever worried about not getting an ultrasound for follicle counts or a blood draw to confirm (my lack of) ovulation. With 7 treatment cycles, I paid a $200 out of network co-pay (which honestly, I could have avoided if I weren't so particular about who tested my blood) and a reasonable co-pay on each drug during the cycle (not usually more than $25). So, all-in-all, maybe $500 out-of-pocket to get pregnant and another $420 to have all prenatal visits and give birth. I knew I was lucky. I knew it. Others have far less, if anything. I am now one of those. So, I guess to have Bo-Bo, I will have to shell out more money, but I;m making homemade eggs this time, so maybe it won't be so bad.

Or I'll think that, only to be disappointed in new and exciting ways. I can hardly wait to find out.

Not My Most Proud Moment as a Mom

Chuckles did not nap at school today. It's becoming an every-other-day thing at school now. ANyway, when there is no nap, the evening is often fraught with peril. Tonight, dinner was a challenge. He didn;t want to sit or eat or anything, so he sat on my lap, sat in a big chair, and stood while eating the following (which just barely meets my minimum dietary requirements...no nap days get lower requirements than good days): Yoplait full-sugar HFCS yogurt, two cups of soy milk, 1/3 banana, 1/8 pear, a Gerber Biter Biscuit (I told him it was a cookie), a package of peanut butter Ritz crackers, one kidney bean.

So, now you know. While I imply that I feed my child healthful foods and responsible snacks, I actually feed him peanut butter-stuffed Ritz crackers (which he got from a neighbor while trick-or-treating).

I had homemade chili and Thin Mints for dinner.

Getting ready for the most wonderful time of the year

Chuckles's day care is not endorsing any specific holiday this year, but they are referring to December, in general, as the most wonderful time of the year.

I have taken the winter-holiday themed books out of Chuckles's closet and started reading them. I can almost recite Clement Moore's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by heart. Getting close. Did you know the last line is: "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good-night"? Me neither. Who'dve thunk it?

I really love the Charlies Brown Christmas. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, he really is the Charlie Browniest.

We have one book something about Snappy Sounds and Friends Giant Annoying Book of Loudness that makes noise. One page says "Ho, Ho, Ho" another is singing carols and one page is the sound over and over and over and over and over and over again of dropping silverware inside a dishwasher full of broken glass. With a cat. This gets my award for Most Annoying Sound of the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

We put the lights up on the house Sunday. We're tres retro. Those big bulbs along the gutters and white light nets in the bushes. It's 1952 meets 2002. Chuckles is enchanted by it. He'd like to know why the lights are not on in the morning, mommy. I've come up with something about they are on you just can't tell.

Things that make a Fifth Grader Laugh: Christmas Edition

1. From "Deck the Halls": Don we now our gay apparel.
2. From "'Twas the Night Before Christmas": On the breast of the new-fallen snow.
3. From some overly religious Christmas song we have two: Round yon virgin
4. And: Holy infant so tender and mild (the word mild always makes me think of sausage, and sausage is funny).

That work "Bonus" I got

You know, teh two $50 vouchers....well, you cannot combine forms of payment at amazon, so I freaked out and called customer service and blah blah blah Raj in India...finally I had an epiphany. I ended up buying two amazon gift cards for $50 each, using those and then paying for the balance with the coinstar voucher and $9 on the credit card. Now, I guess my shopping is done.

I adopted two kids through the Angel Tree at the Salvation Army, so we headed back to Lo-Mart today. I got the 13-year old girl clothes (and novelty socks) and the 9-year old boy gets a remote controlled hovering airplane. I want to adopt a whole family next year and have our whole family do it. It would be way fun, I bet.

I got up from the computer

Right after I wrote that last post, I got up from the computer, went to the bathroom and learned that I am definitely not pregnant. I saw red.

It turns out that my infertility comes in many different flavors and I am now the proud owner of a luteal phase defect. So, next cycle, I will supplement with progesterone for the second half.

But, as I mentioned I can no longer fill prescriptions at Walgreen's and it turns out Osco doesn't have a male compounding pharmacist on staff at my local store, so I have to go far. I will end up transferring this script to a local pharmacy affiliated with the hospital. But, whatever. Oh, why do they need a man? Female pharmacists cannot play with female hormones (or certain other medicines). I wonder if men are not allowed near some drugs.

So, I'm not pregnant, but I guess I never thought I was. But my husband was so disappointed. I just keep disappointing him in this department. Poor guy. He was so sad and kept telling me it wasn't too late. Poor guy.

So, I went to Lo-Mart today and got more pee on the strips to detect LH surge/ovulation. In case I happen to ovulate for a third straight month which would be a record, I guess for me.