Number Two

And I'm not talking poopie, here.

I always thought I either wanted no children or two kids 18-months apart. Well, Chuckles is 19-months old today and I don't have a one-month old at home, so I guess that didn't pan out.

Anyway, I just weaned at 11+ months, so getting pregnant before that would have been inadvisable (if not downright impossible given that you aren't supposed to take fertility drugs while nursing). I've really enjoyed having my body back to "normal" and to myself (to share as I see fit, now that things in the nethers are back to normal as well....see sahara of several posts back). Mr. Long-Suffering has enjoyed my slightly more estrogen filled self as well. I'm somewhat less moody and a little more nice. The differences based on a few hormones are quite striking.

I'm not entirely sure I want a second one as the first is still....STILL....still...not sleeping through the night more than a night or two per week. A few weeks ago, we had four or five nights in a row and I thought we were home free, but I was wrong. So very wrong. Oh, so wrong. Hubris gets me every time. And, overall, Chuckles is getting easier. I had a hard go of it the first time around. The changes that happen in your life when you go from two to three are stunning. I felt like I got smacked in the back of the head by a 2x4. Maybe I had PPD, but mostly, I think that's just how it is/was. I hear going from three to four is a lot easier. But, we like devoting all our time and energy to Chuckles. He's great and clearly is thriving with the attention. He goes to day care so he has plenty of interactions with other children. In fact, just last week someone bit him (they won't tell us who did it, but I have my suspicions).

So, I just started a new job. Obviously, I would not want to fall pregnant right away (the Brits say "fall pregnant" and I love it and will use it frequently. It sounds like you fell down, and when you got back up, your knee was skinned, and well, whoops, pregnant). So, anyway, new job. My husband's health insurance does not cover fertility treatment, but mine will as I work in a mandatory coverage state. So, I'll need to wait for that to kick in. Then, I want to be on the job a bit before I try, so that I'm vital and will be missed while on maternity leave (and so that I can scope out the pumping situation). So, I might think about possibly maybe trying when Chuckles is about 2, but I can really wait until he's 4 or 5 since I won't be 35 for four whole years here. And a 4 or 5 year age difference would allow us to devote a lot of time and energy to each kid and give them all that we have to offer as doting parents. BUT, with the whole infertility thing, there are no guarantees we can even get pregnant again (see no period since July 2004).

I might just stop the pill and see what happens, except I know what will happen and it is decidedly unpleasant (no period for 45-65 days, then a period for 3 weeks that consists alternately of regular heavy bleeding and sticky brown bleeding and never knowing whether I'll need a tampon, mini-pad or maxi-pad when I leave the house in the morning, then it will taper off and I will go another 45-90 days with no period...etc). Eventually, I will call the doctor and they will give me Provera (aka Medrox or medoxyprogesterone) to do one of two things: stop a long period or bring on a period after three months without one. Yes, the same drugs does both of those things. Eventually, the office will tire of me and tell me to go back on the pill or come in for the fertility drugs so I can get the show on the road. Ha.

So, to have another baby or not, that is the question. For now, I'll be upstairs taking my Seasonale and googling perfect age spacing between children. By the way, according to the linked article, it usually takes a short length of time for the first child to come to accept the second child. It says only eight months. Do you have any idea how long eight months is? That's a really long time for the first born to be extra clingy. Oh my gosh, how would you even cope? This is why I worry about #2. The one good or bad thing (depending on how you see life)...many people try to plan these things and fate steps in and gives them an unplanned pregnancy. I'm not saying it couldn't happen to me, just I'm not betting on fate stepping in and handing me a swaddled bundle of joy.

Oh, and Chuckles if your Daddy has taught you to read while I've been gone and you're reading this....it's not because you're not enough for us that we think about another. It's not because you're not good enough or you're allergic to milk or we think we didn't get things right with you and we'll do better next time. It's precisely because you are so good, so smart, so wonderful, so cute, so loving, so charming and so funny that we think it might be nice to have another breath of fresh air in our lives and someone for you to teach and with whom you can play and who can help you take care of us when we're old and with whom you can fight over our stuff when we die, someone with whom you can say "remember that time when..." after your father and I are gone. Number 2 would be for you. I would love watching you interact with a baby (although, I have realized you're not particularly fond of babies...especially when they are sitting on my lap).