Nothing to See Here

Everything must be super-great, peachy-keen, nothing-to-see-here fantastic because the Everything-is-OK alarm went off at 11:59, 12:43, 3:07, 5:23, 6:00, 6:01, 6:02, 6:03, etc. I look about as good as I feel.

Also, do you think it's possible I got some bootleg, knock-off all free-and-clear small-n-mighty detergent? I have heard of imposter shampoo before. The all doesn't look or smell quite right. I have two bottles side-by-side and the very inexpensive one from Big Lots! just isn't right (it's gloppy and thin and separated and the pour spout doesn't work).

What's for Dinner?

I made Crisp-Skin High-Roast Butterflied Chicken with Potatoes from Cooks' Illustrated as seen on TV on America's Test Kitchen (check your local PBS for times). It was fabulous. I brined the bird, then I butterflied it (which is a very gross procedure), and smeared homemade flavored butter under the skin. OHMYGOSH so good. I made it with their suggestion of pan seared asparagus, which I thought was a little greasy (considering how the potatoes are cooked in rendered chicken fat). Serve it with lightly steamed asparagus and it will be good. Oh, and the smoke alarm went off, but I guess that's to be expected when you are cooking a chicken at 500 degrees (no kidding - 500). Oh and the temperature warped my good broiling pan. I thought a broiler could handle it for sure, but it warped up within 10 minutes. But it was so worth it. Best chicken I have made in a long time.

News from Beyond my Front Porch

Iran captures British sailors. With today's satellite photo technology, it should be pretty easy to figure out whether teh Brits were in Iranian territorial waters. Can someone get on this? Doesn't really matter, because Iran is a rogue state and will do whatever teh hell it wants no matter what, but at least we'll have righteous indignation on our side.


Harvard accepted 9% of applicants this year, a record low. It doesn't sound that bad to me. When I was applying to college, my school took 13% of applicants. So, really, 9% or 13%, either way, it's a selective school. Harvard is upping its financial aid to families who make under $90,000 per year. If you truly want diversity of thought and not just diversity of skin color, this is an excellent way to go. A black person from Manhattan has a lot more in common with most folks at Harvard than a white kid from Appalachia.


If you are at unusually high risk for breast cancer, get an MRI according to new guidelines.


Have you seen Heather Mills on Dancing with the Stars? She's not bad. Neither is Cliff Clavin from Cheers although he's no J. Peterman from Seinfeld.

The Everything-Is-OK Alarm

I mentioned that Chuckles calls out for me in the middle of the night by name (MaaaaaaMaaaaaa) every 90 minutes or so in a voice that could wake the dead. Yes, I did mention that. Uh huh. I have decided that this calling for me is the "Everything-Is-OK Alarm". He's just doing it to let me know he's fine. It only takes 2 minutes or so and requires no user intervention, so he's just letting me know he's still here and he's fine. We'll call it this so I don't go out of my flipping mind. Let me point out that I am not hearing this over some sort of baby monitor I could turn off. Our house is small. I just hear it. And sit bolt upright until I realize Everything-Is-Just-Fine.

He has a different cry when something is not OK. He cries something like this:

• "Blue Ding on Flooooooooor. I want Blue Ding." (I wonder what that means. What is he trying to tell me?)
• "Chuh feet cold." ("Chuh" is his name for himself.)
• "MaaaaaaMaaaaaa out!"

So all-in-all Everything Is OK, but I haven't slept more than 3 hours uninterrupted in about 3 weeks and I think it is taking its toll.

It's Thursday

Mr. Long-Suffering went to the Nurse Practitioner on Monday. She swabbed his nose. He has influenza. The flu is a serious illness. People die from it and stuff. Chuckles and I had flu shots, but not Mr. Long-Suffering. The busband's NP wrote him a script for Tamiflu. She also wrote one for me and urged us to call our perdiatrician ASAP, which I did and whose nurse told me to monitor him for signs of illness (duh). So, I feel fine. Man has been off of work since last Thursday. He's upstairs in bed (the crappy new bed) right now moaning. I am finishing up the taxes and went to a weightlifting class today and took out the garbage and did four loads of laundry and made breakfast and so on. So, FLU SHOT = GOOD.

It bears repeating

This song is so catchy....Go. Watch. Now.

Chuckles has discovered helping

This weekend he "helped" with the following:

• Dig holes in the garden and fill them back in
• Transport small amounts of dirt from here to there in the crevices of his shoes.
• Transport large amounts of dirt under his fingernails and on his cheeks
• Brush my hair
• Load the dishwasher
• Water his shoes
• Relocate all my gardening tools

All in all, a good time. And he learned the shapes triangle, heart, star, and circle. Next week we learn rhombus, I think. That's next on the list, right?

Did You know....?

In Wisconsin Blood Marys come with a side shot of beer? I'm just saying is all.

Potty Training is Going Great. Thanks for Asking

Read any good books lately?

Here's the Picture of the Curly Hair

Shirley Temple or Maddy from Moonlighting?

I Al Gore

Dear Al,
Thanks for inventing the internet. I found such great things this weekend.

You must watch this video It's Hugh Grant from Music and Lyrics and it's teh video from his Wham!-like earlier career. The video and song are pitch-perfect mid-80s. Oh my gosh, when the guys in teh band are dancing back and forth, well, PoP! went my heart. You must watch it. The song is good too. It was written by the same guys who did That Thing You Do. But the video is not a parody - more of an impersonation and it's good. All it needed to be totally 80s was a mirror shattering somewhere with the picture of the lost girlfriend breaking.

And here is the video of the Muppets doing Menominom It's terribly catchy. It was the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper Song.

I also googled two odd thing this weekend for Chuckles: Dogs in Hats and found this video
I also discovered that there will be a movie this summer about a fire dog who wears hats.

I also googled "Pictures of Backhoes" and found this awesome website from some association of construction professionals. Chuckles sat on my lap for almost an hour as I read to him about the different kinds of construction machinery.

In conclusion, thanks Al, you saved me.

I knew it was going to be a long weekend when

Mr. Long-Suffering asked me where the Braun Ear Thermometer was at 1:00 Saturday morning. (answer: in Chuckles's room, of course). The temp was 105.1. It wasn't Chuckles. It was Mr. A fever that high in an adult is alarming, to say the least. I went and got our more traditional non-rectal thermometer (it's oral). (a sidenote on thermometers: ear is grea tfor a ballpark to let you know if you need to bother with the rectal in kids or the oral in adults. It's quick and easy - not super accurate, but close enough to let you know if further digging is required...much easier than rectal....oh, and my basal body temp digital thermometer is now our rectal thermometer, so I guess I'll never chart again.) Anyway, the Mr. had a 104.0 fever when taken by traditional oral thermometry. So, he was useless all weekend (unless the use you need is for someone to watch Animaniacs on DVD from the couch). He's a good guy and tolerated his illness well. I forced him via gunpoint to take something for the fever because he's one of those people who gets seizures and bursts blood vessels in his eyes if his fever gets too high, and that was one of the last things I needed.
Before he got sick, Mr. Long-Suffering bought us a new bed. I am not a big fan of it. It's rather firm. But I got a good price on it. The first night on the new bed, I barely slept between the frequent fever checks and a baby who thinks screaming "MaMa" at full power (oh-ho-ho, my baby goes up to eleven) is a good activity to do every 90 minutes all night long (he requires no intervention, I think he does it in his sleep...his sleep, not mine). I'm hoping the bed works out because I dropped our old one at Goodwill today for the tax deduction along with a TV.

Dinners

• Saturday was corned beef, cabbage, etc.
• Sunday was corned beef, cabbage, etc at my in-laws.
• Monday was supposed to be our leftover corned beef and cabbage, but we decided to go for Mexican instead.
• Tuesday was the leftover corned beef and cabbage.
• Tonight is Wednesday (though it really feels like Thriday). What should I fix tonight? I think chicken after all this beef.

Blog Admin

I just added a link to Ask Moxie for some Advice over the to the right there. She's good. And if she doesn't know, chances are her readers do. I comment there occasionally when I have something good to add (usually about working and pumping breastmilk or other career-related topics or recipes).
I asked Moxie way back when Chuckles was 7-months old and never ever ever slept through the night ever. He still doesn't do it every night, but some kids don't and he's perfect just the way he is (even if I need my beauty rest). Moxie calmed me down and told me it would eventually pass, I was doing everything I could, and it wasn't my fault because I did something wrong or didn't do something else.

Weaknesses

I have a few weaknesses (OK, not a few, many and I will list them here):

• Back to Nature chocolate and mint sandwich cookies. They are like a frickin' Thin Mint Oreo. When they are in stock, you can buy them on amazon.
• Saving margarine tubs. I always think they will come in handy, and I am not the only one saving them because they have started printing the tubs and lids with little patterns so they will be pretty when you save them, but I can't imagine a scenario where having the pattern on there would make you buy that brand, "Henry, get the Imperial. It has little blue baskets and flowers that will match our Corelle perfectly." So, I think I save the margarine tubs should Chuckles ever need to mix a small batch of plaster of paris or take up watercoloring. Speaking of which, do kids start by painting outside, because it seems messy? Do you tape the paper to the ground? I went to Menard's and looked for 3M tape for "taping paper to the ground", but I didn't find it. I know it must exist because back in the Pleistocene Era when I was in college, people used to tape brightly colored fliers advertising the latest Sudoku. It's like crack. It's cutting into my blogging.
• Goodwill - They have some good stuff, and it's like a treasure hunt. I bought 8 Little Golden Books there yesterday, two 3T Disney Store shirts, and 3 Hanes T-shirts (brand new) and spent about $10. Target sends their stuff there to be sold after they have tried putting it on Clearance. They had snow boots for boys, but they didn't have Chuckles's size for next winter, or I would have bought those too. Mr. Long-Suffering thinks my penny pinching is endearing and was excited about the snow boot find since Chuckles never did get boots this winter because I refused to pay $30 for boots. Must look at ebay in August. Sure, some of the prices on things at Goodwill are a little high for used things, but every week they have one day where it is 50% off. Soooooo, we'll be back. Lucas Grezweski was teh previous owner of most of the books I bought according to the inside cover. Would it be weird to look them up in the phone book and ask if they had anything they are willing to sell? How many Grezweskis can there be? Oh right, Chicago, about a million.

What did we eat?

The impromptu dinner party for eight went smashingly well. We had:

• Corned Beef (and hot dogs for some less-adventurous children)
• Cabbage
• Carrots
• Mashed Yukon Gold and red potatoes
• homemade Irish soda bread
• Coffee (all Irished up with whiskey, kahlua, and whipped cream)
• heart-shaped cake with a big green shamrock in the center and candy pieces sprinkled on it

Chuckles haad a great time playing in his tent and tunnel with his six-year old aunt. This morning, he keeps talking about where Grandpa sat and where his 13-year old uncle built a tower WITH BLOCKS and so on.

I had a bit too much Irish coffee and couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep then (dang caffeine), so when Chuckles rose for the day slightly before 7 am, I was less than enthused. And if Saturday feels like Tuesday, then Sunday feels an awful lot like Wednesday, so Happy Hump Day.

Errata/Corrections

In yesterday's pithy post, I identified the host of Weekend Today as Natalie Martinez. Weekend Today's host is actually Campbell Brown and Natalie Morales was doing a segment. SarcastiCarrie regrets these errors.

For the record

When you are a stay-at-home mom and your husband works weekends, Satuday looks a lot like Tuesday except when you flip on the Today show at 7, it's Natalie Martinez looking back at you instead of Meredith Viera.

Burning Question

Do the wipers on the bus go (a) swish, swish, swish (b) back-and-forth or (c) wash, wash, wash?

Clearly, the answer is B, but I keep seeing it written incorrectly.

Random Musings of a Lighter Nature

If I am at a bar/social gathering and am being hit upon, but am completely uninterested, I give out the name Charlotte Edwards. Mr. Long-Suffering goes by Tim Pullman (and if we're together and trying to blow someone off, Chuckles goes by the name Eric).

I think a good rule-of-thumb is that you should never go on Jerry Springer to find out who the father of your baby is, but if you do, it had better be one of the six guys you bring on with you, because if not, you look kind of slutty.

It's not you, it's me

I think I might have a problem. I think it might not be all Mr. Long-Suffering's fault. I think I might have some complicity in this mess, but I have no idea how to fix it. I think I might be a tad more than sad, possibly bordering into clinical territory. It's been 6 weeks and I don't think I have gone longer than 26 hours without crying. Some days, I can barely go an hour. Today is one of those days.
I took Chuckles for a scenic ride to an out-of-the-way mailbox for nap. When I got home, I put laundry into the washer and proceeded to fill it with my tears and I haven't stopped yet. It's been 45 minutes and I can't stop crying. That's not good. In fact, I feel a tiny bit hopeless, and I am starting to understand some very unpleasant truths. I want to get hurt (don't worry, I won't actually hurt myself), but I'd like to be mildly injured, stabbed perhaps, so that I could go to the hospital and get "fixed" because that's what they do there, right? You go in broken and come out a day later all fixed - just like with my appendicitis. I am starting to think that hating my husband might be some form of anger transferrence wherein I actually am not very happy with myself.
Am I having a nervous breakdown, some form of a mid-life crisis, delayed post-partum depression, or something else entirely (like low blood sugar, maybe...no probably not since I just devoured a stack of granola bars as tall as one Thomas the Tank Engine on top of a Fisher Price dump truck)?
Every morning, I wake up and vow I will be a better person today. I will clean teh house and put away the toys and make dinner and get the boy to nap without a ride in teh car and balance the checkbook and vacuum the couch cushions and finish the taxes, and every day, when my big opportunity comes at (car-gotten) nap time, I wimp out and check email and do Sudoku until 3:35 when I realize nap is almost over and I run around tidying up like madwoman. I can't concentrate, I hate everything, I procrastinate, I cry, and I am completely unproductive (although in my defense, when Chuckles is awake, I am the model of a perfect, attentive Stepford-esque mother).
So, I gave myself three weeks from the beginning of Daylight Saving Time to get better before I called my doctor, but right now, 2.5 more weeks of this sounds like 16 million bajillion years. I feel like I have been sad for x times 19 months, where x is a variable that is really, really big.
And I think I am not thinking particularly clearly since I keep googling things about how to end my marriage painlessly. Although, right now, I am quite sure I don't want a divorce (because, my god, I have no job, how can I pay for a lawyer, let alone support myself, and really, I think my husband is a pretty good guy - just perhaps not aware of my inner turmoil).

So, I have to make a plan, because I always feel better with a plan.

1. Tonight after Grey's Anatomy, I must confess the whole, horrible, most embarassing mess to my husband.
2. Schedule counseling.
3. Invite my dad and his family for corned beef and cabbage on St. Pat's Day, because really, on the outside, I look completely functional and a small dinner party for 10 won't make me any more stressed than I am already and will give me something to look forward to.

I need to get a job

I was walking Chuckles and passed a house with the address of 1141. The first thing that came to mind was resulfurized free-machining steel (not "I am 3 blocks from home").

I just thought I would go to monster and see what's out there. I typed in the keyword of what I do and ONE job came up. ONE. It is two miles from my house at a company I have been trying to get an interview with for four and a half years. And they have an opening. For an entry-level technician. Should I submit my completely and totally over-qualified resume?

For an axample of how I am over-qualified (because this is not just me being snobby, for a change). The job does not require any college. I have a BS and some graduate work. The job requires 5-7 years experience. I have ten. The job would report to the manager of whatever. I have been the manager of whatever's boss. That's over-qualified. In fact, I don't even know if I would enjoy being the technician. It's not because I think I am too good for it. It's just because I'd always be wondering what these test results are going to tell someone or how they will be used. It's like taking a doctor and having her run teh blood tests and when she sees values that are way of out whack and wonders how ill that person is, she just has to pass the results on to someone else.

Went to Pilates today

I think I might be allergic to exercise.

Shocking, but true

Famous Amos sandwich cremes are superior to Oreos. I can hardly believe it, but it is true. Oreo recently got rid of trans fats (hydrogenated oils) from their recipe by replacing them with the almost-as-bad palm oils. Famous Amos still has the trans fat. Is it possible that whole-wheatier-than-thou me prefers trans fats? I certainly hope not.

My love-hate with Whole Foods continues

You may recall that I love Whole Foods because they have vegan cheese, but I hate them because although their distribution center is 1.5 miles from my house teh nearest retail outlet is a half hour drive away. Well, today I love hate tehm because:

Love them because they have goat's milk ice cream. Some day Chuckles will discover ice cream (and like it) and now I won't have to deny him.

Hate them because the flavors of ice are, uh, kind of gross: fig, green tea, but also regular old chocolate and vanilla, but no strawberry and no rocky road and no mint chip. Is it worth having ice cream without those flavors?

Wanna watch as Daylight Saving Time kicks my butt?

Almost 9 am and child is still sleeping after yesterday's day of no nap. How will I possibly fix this? The no nap was supposed to put him to bed early and then I was going to wake him up this morning, but last night, he dozed in the high chair during dinner (which was so cute) and I don't have the heart to wake him right now he's such an angel. I used to be the master and pro of this time changing stuff, but now that I'm home, I'm falling apart.

Let's talk about something a little more serious

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) recently revised their guidelines for genetic disorder screening. Specifically, they used to offer amniocentesis or Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) to women 35 and older or those with specific risk factors for genetic diseases. The new guidelines offer invasive testing to all women. The tests are called invasive because a needle is actually inserted into the uterus and tissue or fluid samples are removed. There is a small but real chance of miscarriage with these procedures. The old cut-off age of 35 was based on teh assumption of an equal risk of miscarriage and genetic disorder. The procedures are much safer now (as the needles are guided by ultrasound) and so the chances of loss mean that it would theoreticaly be safer for everyone to get them. So far, this doesn't sound controversial, I know. But here's the thing, there are no treatments for Down syndrome or other Trisomies (a trisomy is when the baby has three copies of any chromosome instead of the standard 2, Down syndrome is a specific trisomy). So, once you know about the condition before birth, there are two options:

1. Continue the pregnancy
2. Terminate the pregnancy

I have no opinion as to what other people should do with their own bodies. I know that having a baby with a serious genetic disorder is a big deal and if you don't think you can handle it, then that's OK. Some people don't think others should terminate no matter what so they don't want you to know. That seems a bit unfair to me.

There are legitimate reasons to know about conditions prior to birth that have nothing to do with termination. In the case of neural tube defects, a scheduled c-section can be planned for the birth to reduce stress on the baby.

In the case of Down syndrome, you may need extra help breastfeeding and knowing this in advance, doing the research and having the support system in place sets you up for greater success. Many DS babies also have heart defects and having an appointment with a cardiologist set might mean better, quicker treatment.

Nevermind the emotional issues involved. Some people don't like surprises. Some people would like to research and read up on a condition and treatment and care before their baby is home while they have the time to read. Some women who choose to continue pregnancies may look into making an adoption plan. A lot of couples would like to adopt a baby with Down syndrome.

And the ACOG is not mandating that you get this testing. If you have no desire to know about any birth defects and would not terminate no matter what and just want to spend 9 months falling in love with your baby whom you have sworn to love no matter what, that's OK too and no one will make you get tested.

The amnio can also reveal the gender of your baby with 100% accuracy (because it actually looks at the genetic make up of the fetus/baby). Will people opt to have the testing in the absence of risk factors just so they can paint the nursery?

I am from the Knowledge is Power school of thought, so here is what I would do:

• first trimester quad-screen with nuchal fold translucency scan, bone measurements, etc
• if questionable results, I'd probably do CVS
• if all's good, I'd wait for the big 18-20 week anatomy scan to confirm everything good
• if questionable, I'd probably do the amnio
• if all's good, I'd wait for the birth

Now, what would I do if any of the genetic testing confirmed a problem? I have no idea. Down syndrome isn't all Corky from Life Goes On. There are heart defects. There are increased risks of illness, learning disabilities, and so on. What if it found another trisomy? I have no idea. It would depend on the prognosis.

I'm not sure what circumstances would make me terminate a pregnancy. I am pretty sure I would terminate if there was a serious threat to my health. I need to be here to care for Chuckles. If the fetus had a condition incompatible with life (such as anencephaly - a neural tube defect that's basically lack of a brain), I would probably terminate. I just can't imagine carrying for 9 months and giving birth to a baby who would die minutes later. It's the other conditions, the ones where the baby could be ill or might suffer but would not necessaily die (or at least not right away) where you don't know.

Do not skimp on....

Fold-Lock Top Sandwich bags. The generic ones either rip because they suck or are too small to accomodate wide-pan breads. Stick with Baggies or Glad sandwich bags. Zipper Top or Slide Lock bags seem fine in generic though.
BTW, for the sake of full disclosure, Jenn says Target brand sandwich bags are just fine. So avoid, the Dollar General and Big Lots! bags.

Generic or Not

I'm a value girl. I save money where I can. I buy on sale and used. I buy in bulk. I buy off-brand and store brand. But, even I have my limits. Here is a little list of what I will buy as generic and what I won't.

Generic or Store Brand:

• Diapers (except for Huggies Overnight, we use Baby Basics)
• Tissues
• Paper Towels
• Canned mushrooms
• Canned tomatoes
• canned fruits and veggies (store brand OK - generic not OK)
• Peanut Butter and Jelly (we buy President's Choice All Natural)
• Bread
• Cereal (although, I buy name brand too)
• Oatmeal
• Sugar (white, brown, and powdered)
• Saltines
• Egg Noodles
• Pop (don't call it soda)
• Infant Formula (Wal*Mart brand is made by one of the big companies)
• Hand Soap
• Dishwasher Detergent
• Toilet Cleaner
• Pain Relievers, Cough Drops, Prescription Drugs
• Lotion and Moisturizers

Name Brand all the way:

• Tampons and Pads (I used to buy generic but then they changed from a soft cotton-y cover to some scratchy plastic dri-weave type thing)
• Condoms
• Baby Wipes (store brand is OK, but generic bad)
• Toilet Paper must be Cottonelle
• Crayons must be Crayola (trust me, I've tried others like Rose Art and Cran)
• Flour
• Triscuits (I've tried store brand and no)
• Batteries
• Tea (and I assume coffee as well)
• Bath Soap (dove for me, Irish Spring and Dial for the Man)
• Dish Soap
• Bath Tub Cleaner
• Laundry Detergent (although I hear some non-allergic people can go generic)
• Ice Cream (Breyer's or Edy's)

So, do you have brand loyalty?

I need a plan

I'm a plan person. I need to have a plan. In my mind, eventually, I am going back to work. But, I have no timetable for this. I also don't know whether or if I am going to have a second baby. How does that plan in with getting a job? Should I do the fertility treatment now while I'm home and have the time, but our current insurance doesn't cover it and then it would be hard to get a job while pregnant. And the remodeling? Oh, the remodeling.

Well, I know for one thing I cannot go on hating my husband and blaming him because I burned the toast (oh, it's his fault because if not for him, I would be at work not at home making PBJ sandwiches on a Wednesday). So, I need a plan on how to stop hating him and get over it already. I know I am bored listening to myself complain about him and I'm sure you are too. And I have no plan on how to get over it. So, I am going to outline a plan:

1. Figure out whether it is solely me who has a problem or us. I lean toward it being a combination. I think I might need some good drugs to help me snap out of my non-stop mascara-running cry-a-thon. I think I always get a little blue in the winter, so either I need help or maybe spring will come and I'll be better then. Daylight Saving Time starts this weekend. If I don't feel better 3 weeks after that, I'll call my doctor to see about getting some Wellbutrin or something.
2. Explain to husband that I hate him and I/we need help. He's a manly man and those types don't take kindly to asking for help so this might be harder, but I think if I explain it to him that this is a good thing because it will stop me from smothering him while he mouth breathes in his sleep, he might just go along with it.
3. Currently, I have another browser window open (I'm not technically cheating on you since I'm not blogging over there). It's open to the website for The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. There are 9 providers within 5 miles of my house. One looks suitable (too many are affiliated with churches and a few don't take our insurance). So, perhaps I will see about getting the Mr and I in for some impartial refereeing. I don't think he understands what a huge toll this has taken on me. I also don't think he owns his part in this. So, maybe I'm taking it way too hard or he isn't taking it hard enough. Either way, the impartial third-person referee should be able to help us with that. I'd say 3 sessions and we'll know more.

So, that's my rudimentary plan. The good news is everyone lives. The bad news is I still don't know whether to have another baby (you know, reading it like this, it's pretty clear to me that now is not the time to have another baby. There, I said it. It makes sperfect sense when you read it all together as a plan. Don't have a baby with a man you hate. Easy. ). Ok, so that's solved. Now, what should I do about getting a job? I told myself I would not work on my resume or look at all for at least a month and so far, I haven't looked (too busy blogging, doing Sudoku, and working on our taxes), but should I look now? Should I take the summer off? Would I just feel too guilty driving Chuckles around in the air conditioned truckto get a nap on an ozone action day?

Ouch

I can't hold my arms straight because then my triceps hurt and I can't hold them bent because then my biceps hurt and don't even get me started on my hamstrings.

Is this normal (or at least within the realm of normal)?

I want to step out of my life. I don't want to die or anything. I just want to go away. I'd like to leave my life, circumstances, house, car, some/most of my family, work or lack thereof behind and just start over as someone else with a totally different life and different circumstances and different.
That's normal, right?
We all go through rough patches, right?
What do you think I'd have to tell the feds to get in the witness protection program?

Hi! I'm Back

I just finished scrubbing the downstairs loo floor with pine cleaner and a toothbrush. I feel better now. As my reward, I am having a Nature Valley Sweet-n-Salty Peanut granola bar and am going to go do the Interactive Sudoku at suntimes.com.

I went to the health club

I thought I was taking a pilates class, but instead wound up in Sadistic Ladies' Weight Lifting Challenge. If I can type tomorrow, I'll let you know how I feel.

I'll never have that hour back

I just spent an hour in teh downstairs potty with a boy who would not put on a diaper. Then, he'd sit on teh potty and squeeze out five drops of pee which he had to dump into the big potty by flinging the little potty cup near my head. I uttered the following phrases:

• Don't drink the potty
• Don't touch the potty
• Diaper or potty
• Please just put on the diaper
• Handwashing is over
• You're just not old enough to potty

See, the thing is, after an hour in there with no diaper, he didn't go anywhere but on the potty, so he's ready. He's just not mature enough to leave the seat alone, don't step in the potty, let mommy help, and so on. Everything in the bathroom is covered in pee (if you viist, you the upstairs potty). I knelt in pee and need new pants. He stepped in pee. All this pee got on teh floor because the stupid potty chair is dumb and his penis faces straight out when sitting and the guard doesn't go up that high and all his helping to dump the pee got pee everywhere (never mind the toilet water he scopped out of the big potty with the potty cup).

Calgon, do my laundry!

Monday Night's Dinner

Shrimp with multi-grain pasta in a light garlic lemon butter sauce served with sugar snap peas. Very good. A++

Nagging Feeling

I have this nagging feeling that I hate my husband. I know it is terribly unfair as I am a grown woman capable of making my own decisions, but I really feel like I was manipulated. You know, when you are given completely free reign to choose among 4 really crappy options it's no choice at all.

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. I threw away my promising career for him. He lied to me and told me all the right things and then whelched on a deal. He has no plans of ever ever ever ever leaving the house in which we live (which he now wants to remodel...is he fricken insane?...he wants to plow about $10k into the house...bathroom, roof, windows, painting...a house that we can't sell at a very low price to start and now he wants to "improve" the house so we can never move without taking a loss on the house). I hate him. It's so hard because I do love the dumbass (ponounced...Dumas - like the author).

Oh, and once upon a time, we actually had an offer on our house right after we put it on the market and between dumas #1 husband and dumas #2 realtor, that deal fell through. If it had gone, I'd be living my new life right now. Would I be happier? I have no idea. Dumas #1 would probably be blogging while a stay-at-home-dad and complaining about how I dragged him kicking and screaming across state lines.

So, bottom line, I apparently have feelings and I have no idea how to process them, deal with them, make them go away, and move on with my life (since I am committed to being married to this guy for the rest of my life). If anyone has suggestions of a book I can read to make it all go away, I have a library card and am scheduled back there on Wednesday for the Mother Goose on the Loose program (today, I sneaked Chuckles into Terrific Twos and Threes even though he is 2-months shy of 2).

Dear Al,

We're back from our ride. As the father of several and grandfather of at least two (one of whom is named Oscar incidentally), do you think I need to call Poison Control for an entire stick of Cherry Chap-Stick ingested whilst Chuckles was sitting on my lap? In my defense, I was busy reading Clifford and the Big Red Stop Sign. So, Poison Control or not?
Waiting for your reply,
SarcastiCarrie

Dear Al,

My husband put our son down for a nap today without going for a ride in the car, so if you'd like to save the planet, get me a job and get me out of here and have my husband stay home.
Yours in Solidarity,
Carrie Sarcastic

Potty Watch 2007

We have poopie and peepee in the potty. We still have poopie and peepee in the diaper, but heck, Chuckles will be 22-months old tomorrow, so I'd say getting it in the potty is good enough for now.
I need some practical advice (a sketch might be necessary). How do you wipe someone's bottom after they go on the potty? I am trying to have him lean forward while I wipe from behind, but I am pretty sure he's not getting as clean as he could be. Should I just not worry and make sure to give him a good bath? How do I do this?

I went, I saw, I ate, I drank

Back from the party, and my hair totally looked good no matter what my husband says. I took a picture and if I am so inclined, I will upload said picture to the blog and you can assure me that I look nothing like my mother.
We made it home by midnight, when I promised my mother (who it turns out was asleep in front of SNL) we would be.
Chuckles was an angel for her. "Bed, night night grama, DING, choo-choo cup" at 8:05.
I drank 4 to 5 glasses of wine in 4 hours. That's cool. I brought rice krispie treats since we were supposed to bring things to dip in a chocolate pinot noir fondue. I knew no one there for the first 2 hours but made small talk and generally had a decent enough time. In fact, we made plans for next weekend with two couples who were there (the only people we knew..who arrived "fashionably" late).
I was not the most socially awkward sciene-type person in the room since most of the people there had PhDs in some kind of soil compaction science or were married to said people, so I was decidedly middle-of-the-pack on the nerd-o-meter, which was a welcome change.
I think I accidentally insulted one woman by asking who could possibly look good in a halter style top (what with the lack of support and all). Turns out her weding dress was halter, but I recovered by saying that a wedding dress would stand up on its own so there is no lack of support there.
I also had a rousing discussion about the best brand of diapers with a mother of a 2-month old daughter (I also assured her that the weight would fall off once she weaned, so don't worry and enjoy the nursing relationship). A couple of other mothers and a woman who was expecting all joined in and we all told the expectant mother that she would have no idea what kind of diaper worked for her baby until it is born. Chuckles cannot wear Pampers. There. I've said it. It's true. Huggies are OK, but generic rock the house.
Oh, and I got lucky. Twice.

It's Saturday night and I feel like a party

I'm going to a party tonight. We have a sitter and everything. So, I figured I'd rock the house, so I set my hair - like with a curling iron. I thought I was totally channeling mall hair from 1989 Bon Jovi videos and looked hot, but my husband insists I look a whole lot more like Shirley Temple circa 1939.

Oh, and the 31-year old woman in the mirror totally looked like my mom, so oh my god. Dude, I'm 31. And I remember when my mom was 31. And she's totally not hot now, so what is going to happen to me?

We have poopie in the potty (and lots more pee too)

So exciting that I blog poop.

We have pee-pee in the potty

I was planning on starting potty training Monday, but Chuckles said, "Potty" and took me by the hand into the bathroom, so I figured I'd set him on there and cheer him on (Yay, go potty....yay go pee pee on the potty.). He went. Three different times today. I hope it's this easy.

Oh and he tried to go poopie on the potty, but ended up going in his diaper while I was taking off his pants. No more jeans for him. It's all sweatpants and no onesie shirts from here on out.

Oh, have I really come this

I have nothing to say. Ok, that's not true. I have lots of things to say, but I'm afraid they are not terribly interesting, so you are forewarned. Feel free to bail out of this post at any minute.

• Chuckles woke up in the middle of the night because he still does not sleep through the night consistently. I have no idea what time it was, but I did go in there and comfort him. I have only the vaguest recollections of it though.
• I think my husband is exacting elaborate revenge. Because I was gone for 4 months, he worked late the last two nights. We should be even now, right?
• 53 minutes is not a long enough nap, go back to sleep kid.
• If a child pees out of his diaper after 2 hours, 3 days in a row, does that mean he needs the next size diaper?
• Why was Grey's Anatomy a re-run? Aren't we in the middle of a sweeps period?
• I took Chuckles to Great Clips for a haricut (coupon for $5.99). I wanted to get my money's worth, but now he looks like the littlest neo-Nazi skinhead. Not a good look on a blond-haired blue-eyed kid. He's so freaking cute though, but really 1-1/2 on the back and 3 on the top on the clippers might be a smidge too short.
• During aforementioned haricut, Chuckles refused to be the big boy I know he is and sit anywhere but on my lap with his face buried in my neck. I'm covered in hair clippings and have a crick in my neck now.
• I dropped peanut butter chocolate chip cookies off at my old workplace (two ago workplace, argh, so confusing) and visited and put out feelers for a new local job. Also, showed off my child's speaking and comprehension.
• The peanut sauce from last night had good flavor but was a wee bit goopy and there was much too much of it. Only needed about 3 T for the whole dinner and the recipe made about a cup, which I put on the food, so overdone. Much too much. But good flavor. Will cut the recipe in half or more next time and might thin out with water before putting it on the food.
• Chuckles loves "HAM".
• Note to self: Go to library and get books on potty training.

Vocabulary lesson: callipygian

: having shapely buttocks

Lent Self-Imrpovement Update

I have not judged anyone in 30 whole minutes (granted, I've been home alone with a napping toddler and the TV and radio off), but I think this might be an all-time record for me.

I did judge the very impatient woman behind me (in the school zone) who kept looking annoyed and going to the double yellow line to see what was in front of me (answer: nothing). After the little ticket I got in that very school zone 15 months ago, I am like the freaking poster girl for school zone safety, so Miss White Buick LeSabre, you can thank me for saving you $200 and 8 hours of driving school because Mr. Police Guy was in the parking lot of the quiki-mart.

3 vignettes from day 3

1. Chuckles and I practiced numbers by counting pantyliners. What's not fun about counting with "stickers"?
2. Chuckles and I went to Target and we were walking teh main aisle. In a voice normally reserved for announcing the presence of a truck or bus, Chuckles points and says, "BRA!!!!"
3. I keep little tubes of hand lotion on the night stand to put on right before bed to keep my hands silky smooth. I also keep a tube of petroleum jelly there to put on CHuckles's cheeks after bath since he has eczema. He saw the tube of petroleum jelly and announced, "Cheeks", so I let him play while I put away laundry. Imagine my horror when I turned back around and saw my baby's cheeks covered in, ahem, personal lubricant. It's water-based though, so I am sure it's fine.