Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I need a plan

I'm a plan person. I need to have a plan. In my mind, eventually, I am going back to work. But, I have no timetable for this. I also don't know whether or if I am going to have a second baby. How does that plan in with getting a job? Should I do the fertility treatment now while I'm home and have the time, but our current insurance doesn't cover it and then it would be hard to get a job while pregnant. And the remodeling? Oh, the remodeling.

Well, I know for one thing I cannot go on hating my husband and blaming him because I burned the toast (oh, it's his fault because if not for him, I would be at work not at home making PBJ sandwiches on a Wednesday). So, I need a plan on how to stop hating him and get over it already. I know I am bored listening to myself complain about him and I'm sure you are too. And I have no plan on how to get over it. So, I am going to outline a plan:
  1. Figure out whether it is solely me who has a problem or us. I lean toward it being a combination. I think I might need some good drugs to help me snap out of my non-stop mascara-running cry-a-thon. I think I always get a little blue in the winter, so either I need help or maybe spring will come and I'll be better then. Daylight Saving Time starts this weekend. If I don't feel better 3 weeks after that, I'll call my doctor to see about getting some Wellbutrin or something.
  2. Explain to husband that I hate him and I/we need help. He's a manly man and those types don't take kindly to asking for help so this might be harder, but I think if I explain it to him that this is a good thing because it will stop me from smothering him while he mouth breathes in his sleep, he might just go along with it.
  3. Currently, I have another browser window open (I'm not technically cheating on you since I'm not blogging over there). It's open to the website for The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. There are 9 providers within 5 miles of my house. One looks suitable (too many are affiliated with churches and a few don't take our insurance). So, perhaps I will see about getting the Mr and I in for some impartial refereeing. I don't think he understands what a huge toll this has taken on me. I also don't think he owns his part in this. So, maybe I'm taking it way too hard or he isn't taking it hard enough. Either way, the impartial third-person referee should be able to help us with that. I'd say 3 sessions and we'll know more.

So, that's my rudimentary plan. The good news is everyone lives. The bad news is I still don't know whether to have another baby (you know, reading it like this, it's pretty clear to me that now is not the time to have another baby. There, I said it. It makes sperfect sense when you read it all together as a plan. Don't have a baby with a man you hate. Easy. ). Ok, so that's solved. Now, what should I do about getting a job? I told myself I would not work on my resume or look at all for at least a month and so far, I haven't looked (too busy blogging, doing Sudoku, and working on our taxes), but should I look now? Should I take the summer off? Would I just feel too guilty driving Chuckles around in the air conditioned truckto get a nap on an ozone action day?

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